Well, W and I spent most of the evening together - I picked her up at her house with D, and we went out to dinner together. Nothing special - Just fast food.
W talked A LOT the whole time. She talked some about OM and how she doesn't care if she's friends with him or not anymore - I guess they had an argument today at work. I listed and validated, but I took a couple of cheap shots. Funny thing was that W agreed with me, and even pushed them a little more.
So, we ended up at Home Depot and W was going around picking out paint for my house and saying "you need this - You need that". We picked out some paint, and I got her a new faucet for her bathroom. Pretty basic stuff. W was really friendly and excited the whole time.
I don't even know if I should say anything, but she is night and day from where she has been in the last few months. She laughs, she smiles, she has a mind of her own again. I don't know if it'll last forever, but we'll see. She's pushing me pretty hard on getting the job at her office, which is unusual.
Since we both got home, she showed me a necklace online that she liked - Silver with three diamonds. Maybe she's dropping a hint??
I am sure that one day the sky is going to fall and your W is going to have her epiphany (mixed metaphors?).
I think it's going to take a long time for that to happen, the way things are going for you. It will happen though. It's possible that you will have moved on yourself by that time.
If there is any possible way that you can help yourself reach your goals sooner rather than later, then I can't help agreeing with most other posters' advice in your seven threads.......maybe you have to "pull back".
Let W stew in her own mess as it were. That will be very difficult for you, I'm sure.
I don't know, perhaps you will feel as if you are abandoning her....perhaps she'll see it as you not caring (who knows what WASs really think).....again, sooner, rather than later, I think you'll have to do this for your own sanity.
Me 44 W 39 M 10yrs (together 13 years) one D 8 ILYBINILWY Feb 2007 Separated - 5th September 07
Will get there in the end. Will get there in the end 2.
If there is any possible way that you can help yourself reach your goals sooner rather than later, then I can't help agreeing with most other posters' advice in your seven threads.......maybe you have to "pull back".
Not really sure - Sure, things are up and down, but even though she hasn't committed to anything, she is still spending a bunch of time with me. It goes without saying that right now my W needs a friend she can rely on a lot more than she needs a husband - I can't begin to understand where her brain is, or all of the conflicted things she is dealing with, but spending time with her and showing her that I'm someone she can 'let herself go with' doesn't seem to be a negative thing right now.
The last time I 'pulled back' when she needed me it was a total disaster. Caused our first fight in 3 or 4 months, which was stressful for both of us. We recovered and dealt with it, but my W seems to need me around, even if she won't admit to it.
She asked me out to dinner tonight - Not done that in three months. Am I going to refuse? Hell no.
Brit, A little bit of advice...stay upbeat and do not bring up your R at all. Concentrate on having a good tme. I screwed up a dinner once and it is no worth it.
Brit, It's funny, I'm going to give you the exact same advice I just gave bhopeful...just be her friend. Right now what she needs is a friend. All good R's start this way so enjoy this time rebuilding your friendship.
You know your W better than anyone...if pulling back would have a negative affect don't do it. You know your W.
Enjoy your dinner! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
A little bit of advice...stay upbeat and do not bring up your R at all. Concentrate on having a good tme. I screwed up a dinner once and it is no worth it.
Dinner was fun - D was really cranky, but other than that we had a good time. W and I talked a lot on the drive there and back. We go out a lot with D, but this just happened to be the first time W brought it up on her own.
I can see her crawling back into her shell a little - She's not as bright and happy as she was earlier this week. I kind of screwed up a bit because when I dropped her and D at home, I over did the kissing and W said I was being pushy. I apologized and she seemed okay with it, but I'll have to be a little more cautious in future. She seemed really uncomfortable with herself tonight, but she was really pleasant with me.
On the plus side, she said she'd come over tomorrow and help do some painting, and said we'll take D out for lunch on Sunday. So I guess it's going to be a jam packed weekend with W
It's funny, I'm going to give you the exact same advice I just gave bhopeful...just be her friend. Right now what she needs is a friend. All good R's start this way so enjoy this time rebuilding your friendship.
You're right - I tell people that too, but I don't always follow it myself. It has been a stressful month for both of us, so I'm still curious where we will 'level out'. So far this week we've seen each other every single day - Who made that happen. W did.
Originally Posted By: JennyF
You know your W better than anyone...if pulling back would have a negative affect don't do it. You know your W.
Right now, I really can't see anything positive come out of it. W hasn't left her house all week other than to go places with me and go to work (and she even blew work off on Tuesday). I'm concerned about her depression and her spending so much time on her own, but I don't want to pressure her. I know she's struggling financially again, even though I paid for lots of stuff when we were living together (food and stuff mostly, but I also picked up the tab on lots of visits to Wal-Mart). She asked me tonight if I had received money from an inheritance yet, so I was honest with her and told her that I had and how much it was. I didn't think she'd ask for any help, but I didn't think she'd tell me she could go help me find furniture for my house and told me I should buy a big TV for my house.
Oh, I forgot - W is probably going to be out of town for a week around 3/10, so I think that break will help her a lot. I'd be lying if I said I'm not hoping she won't feel the same as she did last time when she went out of town and talk about reconciliation when she gets back, but I'm not building my hopes up.
Also, I interviewed with the company she works for today - I guess she had given me a really good recommendation to people over there. She was really excited when I told her about the interview. I have no idea what the hell to make of that.
