Hanging on to what I believe in!

[ba065]

Ali:

Thanks for your post....I believe there is still a connection there...otherwise how can he tell me he loves me at the end of every phone call...or when he leaves the house? How can he lay and hold me and tell me he loves me...but then get up and walk into the other room to sleep? I feel the connection and the confusion...see the confusion in his face...see the hurt in his eyes. He still contends that he doesn't know...????

I'm just hangin on...taking the good days and cherishing them and trying to survive the bad ones! I'm really focusing on NOT dwelling on his lunches and calls to MOW...they no longer meet after work and into the evenings which is a step in the right direction.

H still talks about the future...things we should do or places we should go...want to buy me a better bike so we can do this midnight bike ride/race through Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs in June...??? (I have alot of training to do...haven't gone farther than 6 miles...and this race is more like 20) (oh, and I don't think I'd be racing anyone but myself).

He has days that are sooooo normal...and then days of complete dispair, withdrawl, depression, as you know from reading my thread. I tend to handle things fairly well, but when he starts talking crazy, I fall apart!

I'm really focusing on my PMA too...that helps tremendously, especially when I let my mind start wandering and worrying about things...if I focus on me, myself and I, then I can generally work through the chaos.

Just hang in there and keep doing what your doing....we're all going to get through these sitchs and be better people when we come out on the other side!

BA