The new job is going well, and kept me rather busy these last few weeks. I still wish I can find/do something that is more fulfilling, and creative. Well, I can, but it won't make money right away. Still, I enjoy most of what I'm doing at work, and I earn a little money, plus I get dental for myself and the two kids still at home. H has USA medical with the new company he's working for, so doesn't need it.
In the R situation ... no changes. However, I have been thinking about my various personal R's, such as the one with my siblings (particularly, my sister, and one niece). It's a long story, so I won't bore y'all with it, but I have finally come to a place where I can forgive them for the hurt they caused me, and I have forgiven myself for my reaction to it, and I have also come to a decision to let the R's go. It is pointless wishing things could be different, and continuously trying to reconnect when they are not interested. So, I am letting go! I am also trying to let go of things that happened to me in the past, i.e. the date rape. In the grand scheme of things, it is of very little consequence, and I have allowed it to muddy my life for too long. I had thought i had let it go, but I hadn't really, but now I find that I can forgive my ex-BF for taking my virginity with such force, and against my will. It was a small space in time, and so much good has happened to me since, that I could've been more joyful about, if I hadn't let this one thing (and, a few other things) ruin it for me. I think letting go of past hurts is a process that takes time. I thought it was just a matter of saying "I forgive, now I will let go" and it would be so, but the emotions that were involved, and the effects on my own psyche and self worth was too strong for such a simplistic solution. So, I am allowing the process to run its course, and every day I feel myself growing lighter from the burden of such hurts.
At this point in time, I am concentrating on letting go of the negatives in my life (and in my head), healing my spirit, body and mind, and finding joy in life. I don't often watch the Oprah show, but I did at the beginning of the week - Oprah Show. The discussion was so much about what I had been thinking and striving for. I like the one phrase from one of the guests. Something we should say everyday, "I love life, and life loves me." I think I will try that, and other things that were suggested, such as creating a vision board.
Anyway, that's muh thoughts for the day, and where I am at the moment in my life's journey.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
