I obviously have to undergo some mental reconditioning-- thinking about what you said, I realize that I consider anything I do for just for myself to be selfish and undeserved. I have to learn to believe I'm worth it.
I also see I have been setting myself up for failure by focusing too much on H's malfunctions rather than mine. I have to live with me no matter what, so I guess I'd better start fixing and liking myself.
And I won't let myself be drawn into any more angry exchanges!
