I am so glad you and your W talked Frank. I know it hurts like he$$ but at least you get what she is thinking from the 'horses mouth' as it were.
Lead me not...
Today I have resolved to be nice so I'm not gonna touch that horse's mouth" comment no matter HOW tempted I am!
Hmmm. Horses A...?
Well, I will tell you that she is very very detached when she speaks. Like we're discussing business and not the end of our marriage. No emotion. She believes this is 'best' for her and for me of course. The kids, well there's nothing to talk about regarding them. And she has someone coaching her since I know she'd never think of these divorce related things on her own.
Too bad, there are so many people who want to be 'helpful' but they only know her half of the story.
After hearing the 'I need to be loved back... You need to LET me love you...' I had the urge to DB and start being 'vulnerable' and open to her. Except that isn't a good idea because the 'her' who 'needs' these things is focused on finding them elsewhere and not on my feelings. So it would be devastating to allow her to wreak havoc on me in her present mindset.
So, I'm still detaching, but now learning to do it 'lovingly' which to me means to put away the hurt and anger and respond to her 'olive branches' with genuine kindness and love, like the real Frank would do for anyone he cares about.
I had pointed out to Jeff223 a few months ago several times when his XW had tried to be nice to him and he was still in his anger and rejected her outreach. If I don't learn from my own words to him then I'll just be bitter and angry for the next many months.
I can do this, the only thing that will be a 'deal breaker' is if she hooks up with someone. In our talk yesterday she said that her 'friendship with her 'textmessage' buddy was 'going in the wrong direction' and she realized she had to stop that from happening'. So, it seems like she may have gotten a moral compass wake up on that.
Still, she wants to no longer be 'a wife'. She believes we can never be healthy together. There's nothing I can do to change that belief. All I CAN do is be healthy.
I've been getting money slowly and working towards the eventual repair of my financials. W still doesn't believe I can do it of course. Luckily, I do.
