Tackling MY Future with Enjoyment!

[Jeanette1120]

{{bear}} your too cute!

Goal! Life after divorce is hell and I'm trying to figure it out by being still.

Wed afternoon had a convo with Rich about filing of taxes. Even tho we were d in July.....we still own our home and no it is not up for sale. Now, normally he would file using house and claim head of houshold as he earns ALOT more than I, hell, his Federal Decutions are almost as much as my entire years earnings. Last year he did the same......we split all the costs then paid what I usually owe then split the rest. It was a nice sum.

THIS YEAR however, we are d. So I said I wanted to USE half of the house so I could GET a return. He mumbled something about he pays the mortgage. I said I upkeep the house. He said zero.

Then he says let's wait and see when HE gets his taxes done. I said I'm not asking for it to be done the same as usual as we are not the same as usual just to be fair with me.

He then asked if I could call him later at work to finish talking as he was going to sleep. (He had to work the 10 pm to 6am shift) I said fine! TTYL.

I called him around 10:45, the usual pleasantries yet with a smiling undertone. Then one of the controllers came over and was asking him stuff and he said....I'll have to call you back, I said but but....he said, honey, I'll call you BACK. Click.

Tap tap tap

he calls.....now just a FEW hours earlier I had emailed someone and specifically said to them that I feel STUCK! nothing changes in my life, I just keep repeating myself over and over and over....so get this, I said so really, HOW ARE YOU? He said, the same, I'm always the same, nothing ever changes. Hellooooooo Dr. Phil so I said well ya know Rich...in order to have change a PERSON must make change blah blah blah. I said maybe 2 sentences on the subject of change....he quickly and with a little bit of snarkiness said " I'm tired of people trying to ANALYZE me"! then the annoying person came back and needed something else.....who knows, maybe a plane was crashing and I can't fuss and complain about him having to go deal with the sitch.

So thats it.

Yip

Who the hell is analyzing him?? NOT ME! I speak to him maybe once a month???? I never get the chance to analyze. And why be so snarky about it???

I never call, complain, whine or ask him to do anything anylonger. Certain things I do have to speak to him about as we do own this home. I waited 2 months before even talking about taxes. Other than that NOTHING. Not even the SPRINKLER MOTOR!

What do I see? A man who is hiding in his work. A man who is killing himself in his work, to escape the reality of responsibility.

What do I do?

In order to have change we must create change.

I have always been NICE, COMPLIANT, UNDERSTANDING, and the rest ......

It's hard living in "I don't know what the hell is going on land" I just keep going. I can't just stop and lay down and watch the world go by. I can't hide in my work, hell, I don't like it THAT MUCH! I do know that I need to make a change. I need to put out a strong yet positive message saying "Hey DUDE! I cannot keep at this much longer"! Throw me a crumb will ya!! I don't want a crumb, or even a slice....is the whole loaf of bread too much to ask for?? Fine....a slice. Not a crumb, a SLICE!

Now....solutions, actions, goals......my goal is to help him understand I am not the ENEMY. But in order for me to achieve this goal I have to find the action that will solve my problem thus giving me my solution

I"M STUCK! he hides so quickly....POOF! and your like wha??? but wait...we didn't even talk about the taxes???? ARGH!

Thats it. My life in a nutshell. Or maybe my life as a NUT in a SHELL.

Hugs and happy Friday

Jeanette