Well, the trans-Atlantic cut must be fixed because more sites are now enabled.
Thanks for ALL of your continued input. I called home last week and D15 told me about her report card. 4.4 average...Honors course count for more than an A=4.0! She's a terrific kid, student and athlete. Maybe my Title IX child! I sent her a gold charm from Iraq for Valentines Day and my D17 some earrings, S9 a wool hat that has Operation Iraqi Freedom on it. He hasn't taken it off since it arrived!
Two days after the call, W. sends me the report card along with a description of her parent retreat with D17. She told me how she could practically run these therapy sessions now. I hope so, because there was no need for father-D17 therapy. More correspondence than in three months. Two weeks ago she sent another one "Hi. How are you?"
(WHAT???? REALLY?.....I've been in Iraq for 7 months, she wouldn't even say "be careful, take care of yourself" when I left, as my two youngest kids were surgically attached to me as I headed here at the peak of the surge. HOW AM I???)
I realize about her "not wanting to open up and give me hope" Got it, but there's a difference between opening up and being a miserable human being, no?
I responded after about 3 days and told her I had the report card hanging next to my desk and sent a picture of it posted on my board. I never respond automatically as I once did. For what? It got me nothing.
AG: I'm pretty much at peace with my contributions to where I am, and what I tried to do to fix it. I still believe that the things that are "wrong" are pretty fixable: "my love tanks are empty, and can't be filled" and I never take the "initiative" for stuff... a nebulous issue that she cannot really explain to me, although I asked and was told, "I don't want to have to tell you". W has told others that if she gives me a list of things, I always do each and everyone of them, but she doesn't want to have to give me a list. (WHAT?)When I took initiative, I always got a 15 point list of things to do better next time. Nevr a thank you at face value.
We went to MC in 2003. I put into effect every action that the MC recommended. One of her big issues was me not staying home with the kids when they were sick, and she always did. After MC I stated "I have a lot to make up for" Every day that they were sick since 2003 I stayed home, much to the annoyance of my supervisor, at times, Every time they were sick, I left to get them at school. Not once did I ask her do it. Actions speak louded than words, right?
Other issues were pretty much the same. I acknowledged all of them and did some very marked "180"s. She did not respond to one of my issues or needs like "I never know when or where she will blow up and for what reason" I described her as an "Improvised Spouse Device", much like the "Improvised Explosive Devices" on the roads here in Iraq.
You never know where they are, what will set them off or how big the explosion will be. Just when you figure out the placement, they change it! She on the other hand, made NO improvements. If I drove to an event too slow (<75mph!) she would get aggravated beyond belief, and stayed angry for hours.
I would often not stack plastic containers the "correct" way when I unloaded the dishwasher, and was met with anger "It's my kitchen, and it needs to go where I want it". I f the kids would laugh too hard at the table, she would grab her plate, toss it into the sink, and take a glass of wine to our bedroom upstairs, leaving us in the WTF? mode
Christmas Eve, 2006, we have guests. We have been separated for about 3 months, but I attend Christmas Eve to make it seem "normal". We're all in the kitchen, including friends of ours for over 20 years. W explodes screaming: "Where's the micro grater?" My D15 and I look at each other:"What the fu*k is a micro grater?" Never heard the term before. W. proceeds to begin slamming utensils as she rips through the cabinets. We were afraid to ask what it was. Ends up it was a cheese grater that I put into the cabinet after I unpacked the dishwasher. It was behind a dish. Ugh.......
On Christms afternoon, S9 and D17 went to visit friends. D15 was watching TV. W. fell asleep on the couch. I went to the other couch and fell asleep. This is one of my favorites..the God-honest truth: I woke up and W. had already awoken. Her response to me: "You came here to visit with the kids, not to sleep"..
One time, my son when he was three had a fit in the car when we were driving and threw a shoe. I didn't immediately whip around and unleash hell on him. She threw the car into park, got out and walked home. About 2 miles. She did the same thing when she and my daughters were alone. They began arguing and would not stop. She parked the car about two miles from home, took the keys and walked home.
One day, I made dinner. It was ready when she arrived home. It was unusual for me to do. Part of taking initiative. Here response: "I certainly hope you used the chicken in the refrigerator, and didn't buy any new chicken".
I'm not without faults, but, c'mon. I guess I went through this cathatic process to see if this behavior has happened to any of you. I never hav had an issue geting along with anyone, except my W. OK ...rant over. Good to be back up on the net!
