Every storm has a rainbow 7

[Michael Mc C]

H - some comments from a guy's perspective (the ladies may disagree but I doubt it... )

Rather than trying to seduce your W and hint, or directly state, your desire for ML, why not try to become more attractive in her eyes? I don't mean looks, of course. What I mean is try to be more adventurous, leading and a hell of a lot of fun to be around. I think if real attraction exists, seduction becomes quite a bit easier.

The way we are, and the way we make others feel when they spend time with us goes a long way. Many, my wife included, feel personality and the "fun-factor" is a lot more important than looks.

I'm not saying your personality is pushing your wife away! I'm saying that you may need to instill the same PMA you show on this board into your daily interactions with your wife.

Regarding the comments about the 2 grand, why not come right out and tell your wife what you were referring to? I'm not sure myself if you were referring to her employment or your marriage.

Do not apologize to her if she took things the wrong way. Explain to her what you meant and maybe tell her that you could have been more clear by wording it differently.

If she did NOT misinterpret what you said, no apology is needed. It is the reality of your situation (her employment AND your marriage). These issues are things that impede your ability to make and act on decisions. You don't want to blame her or make her feel worse for things but she needs to understand what HUSBAND is feeling.

I have actually become quite adept at this as I had a tendency to make comments my wife assumed were meant in the worst possible way. I have turned a lot of conversations around (A.K.A. avoided arguments, the cold-shoulder, etc.) by clarifying my comments the moment I saw her reaction.

There is the danger, of course, that even after clarifying the message, her reaction will not change, or becomes worse. Unfortunately you and I are both somewhat comfortable in our sitch's now that things are at least civil. We can't let that keep us from being completely honest and shaking things up sometimes, albeit unintentionally.

As for you coming home to her on the computer and the dog needing to go out, this is life in general. Things become routine, mundane and simply ordinary. This is what happened in my own marriage.

Every moment of every day cannot be filled with laughter and romance but it is up to each of us to make the most of any situation. Is there anything you could have done or said to lighten the conversation, or at least to lift her spirits OR your own?

I may have reacted the very same way if I was hoping for a loving interaction but instead received her 'ho-hum' reaction (which is one reason I try not to anticipate her mood any longer).

When she said "I think the dog needs to go out." I would have said "You're the one at the computer, see if you can find him a date."

Would it have gotten her into the sack with me? Hell no. She would probably grin instead of laugh (it's not very funny at all) but making a stupid/smart ass comment like that may be better than simply saying 'ok' and walking away.

I'm in the same boat with you so take my words with a grain of salt. Just some thoughts on how I've been trying to deal with similar issues here on the other coast.