Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[Imconfused0807]

(((((((((hugs to Supermom)))))))

Sorry to hear you are having a bad go at it today. It really saddens me about the kids...especially the 3 year old. I've made mistakes with my wife, fortunately I was able to find my way AND she found it in her to take me back. The hurt that I could have caused to my little girls is hard for me to imagine and I'm hoping that your husband realizes this and wakes the fck up!

You're an incredibly strong woman and judging from your posts, you WILL get though this and be a better person from it. Please be there for them kids...they're not going to understand what is going on and will need you to be....well...Supermom. And that you are

My wife is on here somewhere, I'm going to see if she'll stop by with any encouraging words...not that you need them, you're doing fine.

BTW, what does CFB stand for?

- IC, from across the lake in equally buried in snow Michigan

[bhopeful]

Hi Jenny.

Good job on standing up for yourself and your children with the financial stuff. I know that must have been hard.

Dropping the rope is analogy for detachment. Make sure that your detaching with love and not hate. This is the father of your children, so even if you don't reconcile you at least need to not hate him. Easier said than done though.

Also, I know that you don't understand how he could have left you and the kids and put you into this situation. I know that it tears you up inside. Do you forgive him though? If you can't forgive him then you can't ever reconcile with him. Not forgiving him will eat you up inside and make your life miserable. Here's an article on forgiveness that I post from time to time: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131
If you can find it within yourself to forgive him, then you just might start to see some improvements at least in your interactions with him.

Please don't think that I'm trying to negate how well you are doing. I'm happy to see the strength that you exhibit. As I read your posts though, I see a lot of hurt and resentment (rightfully so) that will eventually consume you if you can't let them go.

Peace,
B

PS. Forgiveness also helps with dropping the rope. Sometimes you can pull on the rope for the wrong reason (trying to make your spouse feel some of your hurt).

[JennyF]

IC,
CFB...think of the worst thing, that's probably it.
The middle word is face...the others I'll let you figure out!!

Thanks guys for your support. I'm going to respond more later....but right now I have to go get ready for D's B-day dinner, with H. Should be interesting after todays discussions!!
J~

[Imconfused0807]

IC,
CFB...think of the worst thing, that's probably it.
The middle word is face...the others I'll let you figure out!!

I think I got it!! Wow! do they really say that stuff in Canada eh? Hope all goes / went well tonight.

- IC

[kml]

Cauliflower faced broccoli???

Ellie

[W2G]

Ellie, that's a good one.

Jenny, so sorry to hear what your H had the gall to say to you. You deserve so much better as do your kids. You are strong and I know that you are going to be the one smiling and happy at the end of all this.. not sure if your H will be standing next to you or not but if he is... he better count his lucky stars that he's got such a wonderful woman.. if he's not, you will be happy with yourself and will start a healthy and happy R with someone wonderful - when you feel ready!

I hope the birthday party was great! Can't wait to hear how much fun you and your D had!

W2G

[JennyF]

B...thanks for your post.
I am detaching with love...although he does make it pretty easy to not like who is being. I love him more than anything...and it is hard to feel that love and want to let go. It is a paradox!

As for forgiving (and thank your for the article). What is making hard to forgive is that I feel as though H is STILL doing what I need to forgive him for. I know I have it in my head that if he came back, I would forgive him in an instant. But the thruth is I have to forgive him NOW. It seems to me as though forgiving is accepting what H has done as the right thing to do. As opposed to just accepting it. That's the difference. And I am getting closer to that all out acceptance.
That's why I really feel as though I have dropped the rope. I don't hate H...if I say I hate him...it's just to try to mask the love. That paradox.

As I read your posts though, I see a lot of hurt and resentment (rightfully so) that will eventually consume you if you can't let them go.

MO2 once said this to me...
"Acid does more damage to the container in which it is held that to the object on which it is poured" Acid = Resentment

I am hurt. So deeply. And I've noticed that over time this is fading. What I am also worried about though, is that H and I never really had any conversations about WTF what wrong. So it is going to be difficult to get closure and lose that resentment...when I'm still wondering WTF happened! We had a planned pregnancy 1 year ago and now this? I'm searching for R answers that I'll probably never get.

J~

[JennyF]

My D's birthday was great. We had a lot of fun. H didn't eat with us though...I thought that was the whole point of tonight?? Having her birthday dinner...I guess not.
Anyway, H made a LOT of small talk tonight. He talked a lot about work. He's talking bad about people he used to speak highly of. And keeps speaking to me about my work and if I'm looking for another job or not. He's hinting at me going back from Mat leave early.

Anyway...thanks to everyone for checking in on me today and for your support. It means a lot.

Well, tonight I am The Soother Fairy! When little girls turn 3 they don't have Soo Soos any more...so the soother fairy is coming tonight to take the soothers and leave D a present.
(which happens to be 4 giant pink furry pillows that spell her name).
I hope she doesn't catch me in the act. But I could end up with her in my bed by 3AM once she realizes it's gone.
My little girl is 3 already!
J~

[phbear316]

Jenny

so glad to hear your D's birthday was great,

wish someone would leave me a gift of pink furry pillows that spell my name. LOL

bear

[hope2wrkitout]

I read these posts and it just amazes me how mean and cruel and hurtful these H's can be. It seems like they are hurting about something and they want to make us feel some of it. Through heated discussions my H lets things slip that have bothered him over the years, but he never said(like me being in school). Anyway, JF you don't deserve this. None of us deserve this, but I feel like you really don't beacause you have gone out of your way to make the best of this sitch. You let him take the kids,you try to be pleasant when you should really just rip his freaking eyes out. You are much are stronger and more tolerant than me that is for sure. Keep up your DB. I really do think he is hurting and angry and is trying to make you feel some of the pain. He is acting out for a reason. Telling you her name was not needed. Just keep in mind that you are looking at a very sick person. Treat him the way you treat a person who has an illness. Understand that he is not in his right mind. Let it roll of your back and continue to plow ahead. Keep on doing what you do and I do believe you will see results. Won't be soon, but I believe in my heart things will work out.