Still improving

[betteroffvsmost]

Ended up being on the phone for almost 20 min. which is a record for us these days.

Hello lizzy,

make sure you keep focussing on those positives. Does wonders. I am in a good place right now...still separated....not sure where I'm going to end up, but I'm on a "confidence" plateau.

My W invited me out tonight...one of many invites within the last couple of weeks....it sounds a bit wimpy, an H invited out by his W....whatever...it is happening.
We went for a few beers with other friends. W is all friendly when she invites me on the phone, but as usual, she seems angry (or something close to it) when I arrive. I arrived 30 minutes after they did and my greeting from W is, "where have you been?"

I should be journaling this on my own thread, but somehow it seems pertinent to your situation.

I have come to realise in the last few weeks that W seems/seemed to be always angry. Muggins here used to get the brunt of this anger. Whether it was something at her job, stress from traffic jams, one of her family in crisis, or whatever.
In those "old days" of our R, whenever she got angry, I found myself reacting directly to that and getting angry as well.

Then I read a success story on these boards....I can't find it now... that success story made a recommendation to read something called 'Let it go' by T.D. Jakes.
I googled it, found it, read it......adapted it for my own situation....and you know what.....because of that one internet page, I feel great.

When my W asked me angrily where I had been, I didn't get angry with her...I don't even remember what I said....I just 'let it go'. A bit later, I jokingly asked W to go to the bar and buy me a beer...it was a joke and never expected W to do it. She replied with some angry comment. Five minutes later, she got up, went to the bar and came back with a beer for me. She didn't even get one for herself.
The cynic in me starts to imagine that she flobbed (spat) in it or something, but I know she didn't.

Anyway...the conclusion is that my W is consistently trying to make me react to her anger...when I don't she seems to get angrier. However her 'real' action though was to get up go to the bar and get me a beer.

The point of this rambling is not only to suggest that you don't react to his actions (easier said than done), but to try and find that T.D. Jakes stuff and see if you can adapt it to your own situation.

You are doing your best for yourself and D....why let him spoil it for you? If he doesn't ask about D's doctor appointments..... If he feels he needs to ask permission for things.....whatever...that is his 'funk'.