Wow... what a crazy ride!!! Even though she is swinging back and forth it sounds like when she swings close it is closer every time. You are doing SUCH a good job... I thought the way you handled the IM's was perfect. Man!!!
I was thinking about what I wrote about the Peace Corps earlier and what Jenny said. i think a lot of times on the board we can end up trashing the WAS dreams that are involved in their walking away. But nothing is wrong with having those dreams or trying to reach for them. It just really hurts when that behavior is part of the craziness. But everyone on this earth has things they would like to improve about their lives. I think it is beautiful that you guys were talking about doing the Peace Corps before. I remembered how excited she was a while back about a possible all-expenses paid-by-om trip to Spain...?? So it sounds like there is a yearning for adventure in her heart that is real. For example if she was acting this way while she was still with you and it didn't involve her abandoning her H, we would say, WOW, this woman is a powerhouse, she is totally reaching for her dream and making a fulfilling life for herself. But when it is part of the WA, everyone (myself included) leaps to demean the dream. isn't that strange??? I think we are just threatened by the dreams because they threaten our connection to the one we love.
There are a bunch of ways to volunteer abroad shorter term. Maybe you could look into that and share that with her? I know it may be a while before she's up for traveling together but maybe you could, you know, take 2 weeks to go volunteer/vacation in guatemala together or something like that!
I was just thinking about how many times on the board we trash the WAS's dreams because they're all wrapped up in the experience of abandonment. But dreams are good, right? In "7 principles of making marriage work" john gottman writes about how every unresolvable conflict is the result of a Buried Dream. And by excavating the dreams we can resolve the conflicts, or at least understand them better.
That's what I was thinking about today...
Keep us posted, Bhopeful!! I am learning so much from you.
