Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

B...thanks for your post.
I am detaching with love...although he does make it pretty easy to not like who is being. I love him more than anything...and it is hard to feel that love and want to let go. It is a paradox!

As for forgiving (and thank your for the article). What is making hard to forgive is that I feel as though H is STILL doing what I need to forgive him for. I know I have it in my head that if he came back, I would forgive him in an instant. But the thruth is I have to forgive him NOW. It seems to me as though forgiving is accepting what H has done as the right thing to do. As opposed to just accepting it. That's the difference. And I am getting closer to that all out acceptance.
That's why I really feel as though I have dropped the rope. I don't hate H...if I say I hate him...it's just to try to mask the love. That paradox.

As I read your posts though, I see a lot of hurt and resentment (rightfully so) that will eventually consume you if you can't let them go.

MO2 once said this to me...
"Acid does more damage to the container in which it is held that to the object on which it is poured" Acid = Resentment

I am hurt. So deeply. And I've noticed that over time this is fading. What I am also worried about though, is that H and I never really had any conversations about WTF what wrong. So it is going to be difficult to get closure and lose that resentment...when I'm still wondering WTF happened! We had a planned pregnancy 1 year ago and now this? I'm searching for R answers that I'll probably never get.

J~