I saw my C and for about the first time I feel worse after going than before going. Two weeks ago I got such positive feedback and she thought that there might actually be hope. Today I got mostly negative feedback. She asked why I still want to be married to H and why I keep trying. To her H sounds like a horrible person. I can't really think of a reason other than I still love him, but I can't come up with any reasons why I love him. She pointed out how poorly he treats me and that he has hidden so much from me and doesn't tell me so many things. He is on the phone w/ D15 now, didn't try calling until after D10 was being put to bed. I have missed several calls to him tonight and have nothing to say to him.
