These dynamics I'm describing go back a number of years and there are different ways of viewing things a lot of which I'm either interpreting for myself or finding out to be true based on W recent actions.
Before I go on I must remind you that communication between W and I is poor and a lot of these things I'm not very good a bringing up with her so we haven't really discussed them.
From early in our relationship there were at least 2 dynamics at play regarding sex, first W would withhold sex (yes you understood correctly) example if we fell out no sex, it was a way of controlling or punishing me. If I go back to what I think was one of our very early dates, I was late to pick up W and her friend from the train station, when I eventually arrived W said to me "I was just telling friend he's kept us waiting so no sex for him tonight". That's something that always stuck with me. The other is as we kinda drifted apart I thought W lost interest in sex, we never really discussed it, but I know W was quite happy just to spend time with me but no sex. Also some of the times we went to bed I would ask if we were going to have sex and she would say "lets go to bed see what happens". And then she'd fall asleep.
But as it happen there is sexual interest there as these escapades with OM has shown, I now know shes a raging torrent of passion but unfortunately non of it for me.
So if I answer specifics
Quute
Originally Posted By: Concerned_Listener
I wonder how the evening was for your W, even when she fell asleep? Did she feel connected to you?
W enjoys these evenings snuggling with me, not sure why it doesn't always lead to sex. remember my previous quote "lets go to bed see what happens".
Originally Posted By: Concerned_Listener
I'm curious what your expectations are regarding what a nice evening together would be. It seems like this should be out in the open. You two are watching TV together, but you would like more to happen.
Yes my expectations should be in the open, but there are also the occasions when W would say "lets go to bed early" shes fully expecting sex but then she falls asleep.
Originally Posted By: Concerned_Listener
It doesn't seem fair that she would make preparations for a sexual encounter and not follow-thru and be nonchalant about it the next day, without trying to make it up to you. I don't understand why it would take her two weeks for the next sexual encounter.
I've been trying to work this out, but when she gave me her version of the ILYBNILWY speech she actually said I don't fancy you, I don't find you sexually attractive. And in some of her very early rants at me going back to 2001 she's said things like "I avoid having sex with you". "I don't like your fat body on me". I think this was partly because I'd gained weight, and didn't really dress properly and look after myself. But since finding DB and working on myself she actually likes the new me I've put together and she's told me so. I'm more like the man she first met.
So the falling asleep has opened up a more fundamental problem and as I say I've let it drag on cos I thought she had lost all interest in sex. But I also took it for granted that becuase we were married she wouldn't go with someone else.
Next post I'll update where we are in that department.
