All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[seekpeaceofmind]

I have no advice. :-) I do know that it is fruitless to try to figure out why he seems distant and letting yourself think it must be in response to something you did or said. Maybe he's just preoccupied getting ready for the holiday. Maybe he knows he's going to have the week with you and doesn't feel any need to be in contact beforehand.

You feel like you're not in control because. . . . you're not. One of the hardest things for me to accept is not only my own sense of no control (and I understand that "control" is an illusion anyway), but also not being able to influence what's happening in my R. You do have control over you - how you act and how you react with your H as you go through this holiday. I'd be anxious about it, too. I get anxious about a simple phone call these days. If I could put myself in your shoes, I'd probably be focusing on not having any expectations and "rehearsing" how I would deal with things that I know might be touchy or a trigger. Especially how I would try to manage my own emotional levels.

when I look back at the conversations we had via texts at xmas, I realised that I avoided saying things that I felt were valid, because I was/am afraid that H will answer defensively/angrily b/c that is what he has been doing and I don't want to alienate him even further, but at the same time he thinks everything is worse and harder for him

I don't think you're going to get any empathy from H right now, probably the best you can do is practice validating. . .

I hope you have a good time - especially with the kids.