Lodo,

I understand. It's hard to be loving, especially when there's an OM involved, and she refuses to give it up. If you can't get to "loving," at least get to where you're "Joe Friday" -- you know, "just the facts, ma'am."

Establishing -- and holding -- firm boundaries doesn't mean you have to be a cold dick. You want to "shine a light back toward your marriage."

Choc.