Loving a WAS isn't easy

[BryanR]

MMB,

Here is my 2 cents. I think that if you don't want the H to use the money for the bike then you shouldn't have plans to use it either. If it is a joint return then the refund is also joint. If you really can't find any other way I say just divide it down the middle. Then it is fair. It may not make you happy and it might not make H happy, but it will at least be fair.

Money is always a tough issue in relationships. Believe me I know. I have come to trust in the fact that my W and I see the cash flow thing from different perspectives. I have also realized that things work out much better if I would say something like, "We are going to be getting a refund and I was wondering if you would like to come over and help me with a budget that we can live with and to discuss how the money could be best used?" That way the S feels like that have some input and yet you haven't given up anything.

I think it is all about the communication skills we have. I am still learning, but the one thing I have come to realize is that it helps to put myself in someone else's shoes to see how they might hear what it is that I am trying to say. Make sense?

Well, it is just a suggestion and I hope that you are able to resolve your issues with your H over the money. I am in a similar sitch as we are paycheck to paycheck here and trying to decide which bills to pay each month (we can't pay them all every month). This sitch compounds the stresses we are already under, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. W will be graduating from school in May and should be working full time again shortly after that. When that happens we will be in much better shape. Just keep your fingers crossed that we can make it that long...LOL. I am hoping against hope that we can.

Hang in there and keep DBing. You are doing a great job and you will find that it is worth all the work, pain, and heartache.

-Bryan

PS-If you would ever like to email me you can contact me through my website http://www.bryankelsen.com