Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

Well...just got off the phone with H. Coversation got pretty heated. It was about finances and what he is offering me...there was some confusion, once we got that part straightened out...I realized once all the bills were paid he was leaving me with $135/mth. That's it. After a lot of hrash words and back & forth, he agreed to take on more so I could have more a month. He thinks he's being VERY generous and respectful with this offer.

Anyway, further to getting his name off the bills, he is also taking his name off the joint account and wants to split up car insurance. I told him that wasn't a good idea because we would lose the multi person discount and the insurance would go. He said...and this is the great part..."well maybe I want to put my insurance together with Tracy. (CFB). Yes, He actually said her name to me.

Anyway...the conversation slightly touched on R things but it was just more of him avoiding anything that might resemble him having to consider what he's done to me or what he is continuting to do. I won't go into all the sordid details...the point is...it could not be any more over than it is right now.

I've been posting this regarding 'dropping the rope' all over the place because it helps me. I've been loosening my grip on this rope...but I think today I have dropped it.

Dropping the rope is not something you do.
It is a place that you reach.

You reach it when although you still love your spouse and would still like to see the marriage restored, you have begun to live for yourself happily again.

You drop the rope at the exact moment you know in your gut and in your soul that you ARE okay and further, that you will ALWAYS be okay. No matter what.

I just spent 10 minutes in the shower crying about it. Sobbing uncontrollably actually. But I have to move full steam ahead with my life. He is moving ahead with his.

I'm am so very sad for my children. But I am vowing here and now the make the best of this situation for them. They have not control of what has happened any more than I have. But I have control over everything that happens to them and to me from here on out. And I vow to give them a happy life filled with love every day of their lives no matter what the circumstances.
They deserve that...and so do I.

Not feeling quite so strong today...but at least I know what I have to do.
J~