I haven't seen anything quite like this. Hugs, kisses, ILY? If it weren't for the last, I'd figure she just thought she wanted friendship. Is this friends hug, kiss, and ILY...or married couple?
Well, neither of us hug, kiss, ILY any of our friends, or even family. I figure holding hands when you kiss and share ILY like we did tonight isn't what friends do, right?
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
My only thought, as always, is that she won't leap the final hurdle to you until the fantasy of OM is completely gone. Until then, I guess you do what you are doing. How long you continue to be the guy that she plays family with while she pines away? I think you'll just have to be patient. I would suggest that you settle into your house, enjoy it, and try not spending every waking minute with her. While she's enjoying you as her security blanket, what have you learned about your own independence? It might be nice to take some breaks from her.
Something has REALLY changed in her this week. We talked on IM pretty much all day - I initiated just to check on D, but W kept it going all day. She kept telling me she was exhausted and not feeling good - Turns out after she went to bed last night she couldn't sleep, so she was up until really late cleaning her house and doing chores. We talked off and on about who was going to take D and things. I left my cell phone charger at her house and my phone was dead, so I said I'd go over there sometime to get it and pick up some other stuff. I took D with me, and W was really happy to see us. We ended up watching some cartoons with D, while I helped W with some stuff in the house. I pretty much left with my charger and curtains that W didn't want, but thought would look good in my house.
I'm not sure if I'd go as far as to say W is happy, but she seems really pleasant around me and talks ALL THE TIME when I am with her. She offered to take D tomorrow (I have her tonight), but that was always her night out with people from work... Seems like she's shutting herself off from people at work and her friends in general. Personally I think she's starting to hate being at work, since OM is there.
W and I hugged in her driveway after we put D in the car. She looked so burned out and exhausted. We kissed a bunch and I told her to call me if she needed anything - She said she would. I ended up having to drive back to her house because she still had the keys for my house (I asked her to get an extra set made yesterday). She was so apologetic for not giving them back to me - Part of me wishes I'd had the spare set handy and just left W with the originals, but I'll get the new set to her this week.
Ring thing is interesting. I would have noticed that also. Maybe she was cleaning them. No telling. But I know I'd feel extremely happy to see mine without that other thing on her finger.
My W never really cleans her jewelry. She wasn't wearing anything today when I saw her.
Originally Posted By: jmw128
I think it is very positive that u2 are doing things together and communicating, especially those hugs, kisses, and ILY's. Just keep up what you are doing...gl
* D was sick last night, so W and I talked for a while on IM. W basically offered to do anything she could to help D and I, but we were doing okay. W was talking about things she wanted to do to her house, and things she wanted to do to mine - Ceiling fans, decorating, etc. She was pretty much talking like 'we' have two houses, rather than she has a house and I have a house. She invited herself over this weekend to work on my house with me.
* I told her I need to set up my phones at home and get my computer stuff together in the basement - Told me that she'd help me out with it, and that we could share a few things together.
* Her company is hiring for a position which is basically what I do. I didn't tell W, but I talked to the hiring manager about it last week. I wasn't going to say anything unless it got to the point where it was likely I was going to move there and see how she felt about it. Well, I guess someone called her about me today at work and she recommended me for the job and IM'd me and told me I should give them a call. A whole lot of "You'd fit in really well with that group" and "They'll probably offer whatever money you want" from her. It's a big company, so it's not as if we'd be working on the same floor of the building, much less together, but I guess it's something.
So, I guess I'm not sure where I stand. Right now, I feel like we're doing one of those separations where good things actually happen, rather than people pretending they just want to divorce but don't have the balls to file. W is making numerous excuses to spend time with me and hang out, so I'm not complaining at all. Total 180 for her from a month ago, when she'd find reasons to break off things we had scheduled together.
I'm going to ask my W out for dinner & something for her birthday (couple of weeks out) and have D stay with the grandparents over night. Trying to figure out what 'something' is, but I need to think about that. Movie is kind of lame, but there are no good concerts or other activities that we do together happening right now.
Not sure what to get my W for her birthday. I think she might be open to something more personal, but I don't want to push it. I was going to get her a Valentine's Day card from D, but I wasn't going to do anything.
Any ideas what the 'right thing' to do is right now?
It sounds like she's reaching out to you in the ways that she feels she can. She's not ready for a full committed relationship, so this we're a family but with separate houses thing seems to work for her. Just keep giving her time. I think that she'll eventually come around. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I am so hopeful that your W is going to come around. Hey, if you work at the same company, you might even be able to see the OM bozo more often. That should boost your confidence. The company party should be interesting.
How about the Spurs vs Cavs game the day before Valentines day?
I'm going to ask my W out for dinner & something for her birthday (couple of weeks out) and have D stay with the grandparents over night. Trying to figure out what 'something' is, but I need to think about that. Movie is kind of lame, but there are no good concerts or other activities that we do together happening right now.
Not sure what to get my W for her birthday. I think she might be open to something more personal, but I don't want to push it. I was going to get her a Valentine's Day card from D, but I wasn't going to do anything.
I would suggest that you do something nice for her b-day (I don't know either) and get her a good gift. If I were the one in your shoes, I'd also do something for Valentine's day other than just a card from your D. You aren't in the same ship as everyone else. I think some actions that would be pursuing in other situations is not pursuing in yours. Just my opinion
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I am so hopeful that your W is going to come around. Hey, if you work at the same company, you might even be able to see the OM bozo more often. That should boost your confidence. The company party should be interesting.
Yeah, I thought about that - He's basically a co-op who'll be out of there mid-year, so I don't think there'll be much interaction. Because my W has worked there for a while, I know lots of the director/VP level people over there, so I'd love to put the fear of God into his soul that I might get him fired.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
How about the Spurs vs Cavs game the day before Valentines day?
Hrm, maybe - I was hoping for something a little more interactive. We used to go to the House of Blues all the time, but it sucks now they got bought. I'd rather do something at the weekend, since it makes life easier with D.
I would suggest that you do something nice for her b-day (I don't know either) and get her a good gift. If I were the one in your shoes, I'd also do something for Valentine's day other than just a card from your D. You aren't in the same ship as everyone else. I think some actions that would be pursuing in other situations is not pursuing in yours. Just my opinion
I was thinking I might send her and her sister to a spa for a day for Valentine's day. I know W is pretty wound up and stressed, so she might enjoy that. I've no clue for birthday... She never really seems to want much right now.
Tonight D and I usually go out for dinner together - We've missed maybe two weeks in six months, but W never comes along. I've asked a few times, and she always finds a reason not to go and will stay home and bake this really nasty looking pizza for dinner.
I told her I was going out with D tonight, because W asked if I needed her to take D tonight (D wakes up 3-4 times per night right now, so whoever has her gets burned out really quick). I told her I was good taking D tonight, but she was always welcome to come over to do bath time and bed time. So, she said she'd come out to dinner with us.
Wonder if she's going out to soccer with people from work, or if she'll be staying home tonight.
