Calling all experts, non experts...serious opinion

[kikifree]

I have a dilemma…I need advice or opinions. I am not looking for anything to be sugar coated or biased.

I just need honest opinions.

H and I talked yesterday. H wants to settle before we go to trial. Do I? H claims that all he could afford is the offer he gives me and we should settle before trial.

H asked to go eat with them to talk.
H said he cannot put any emotion towards this right now because it will confuse him.

H says after the divorce he could just not now.
H admitted he has convinced himself that I am his enemy . And until this divorce is over he can not put any emotion in it.

The amount he is offering is 300 les then I would ask for. H thinks at this point I am only out to get him.

By settling it would show him I wasn’t. It would put closure in place.
H admitted he does not care for me at all right now due to this process. H is looking out for himself.

H said after our divorce , we could build a bridge to our friendship where we could laugh and hang out afterwards. Honestly, I do not know how I feel about that.

H later grabbed me, picked me up and hugged me. We talked and it was like he didn’t want me to go. I said bye and he said that’s it…

Tonite I will tell him my decision.

[tmi]

Do you think it's all he can afford? Do you think $300 less is fair?

[Jeanette1120]

Someone just told me that my xh is ALWAYS nice to me when HE wants something. They were right. I'm always nice anyways I've experienced this firsthand. I've heard the "Your only out to get me" and let's see "gold digger" "You raped me" blah blah blah......

But yet I am still here, so if that was the case then I would no longer be on these boards right?

Do as your husband is doing. Put your emotions to the side. Explain it to him just the same way he explained to you. Tell him this has nothing to do with the restoration of your marriage or the relationship you hope to have with him in the future. This is strictly business.

By settleing it will show him that he can still take you out to dinner, make you smile, give you hope and get what he wants. NOW hold on before you think I am being mean, if you can make do with the lesser amount of money then fine, sobeit. If not, say no, if you could say.....be ok with 150.00 Great! Think of how much this is going to save him in trial fees. remember Kiki, this is not what you want. Don't let him force or guilt you into making a decision based upon what he says is in the future for the both of you. It will be what it will be either way.

Yeah, I heard the building of the bridge too. I think a few planks have been put down and it's a start but I'm not sure Iif we are building abridge to china or across the street

Hugs sweetie...and remember, we are only giving support, not telling you what to do. The final decision rests upon what you can do with or without. Not guilt. Financial wellbeing of your children.

Jeanette

[Upside]

Hi kiki-
I make no claims on being any kind of expert. Now that I made that disclaimer, I can say I agree completely with Jeanette. It does seem like your H has been doing a little thinking lately but you can't let that cloud the fact that you need to do what is best for you and your D.

Good luck deciding what to do.

<3
Upside

[kikifree]

The amount we are talking about is 1500 a month.

do i think it is fair? Yes and no. That is alot of money a month .


Jeanette ..that is exactly what I am thinking 50 percent of the time.

Could it be manipulation... yes. That is what I struggle with.

Oh, i know h is only nice to me when he wants something..I even told him that.

i am very confused . i can make this decision on my own but i do like to see different perspectives.

[mishka422]

Kiki - Only settle if you can truly afford to live without the $300. If it is going to have any kind of major impact on your wellbeing or the wellbeing of your family then don't settle. You didn't ask for any of this to be forced on you. This is strictly a business transaction - emotion can not come into it. Sticking to your guns may or may not push your husband to back away from you but that doesn't mean it would be permanent.

I'm absolutely NO EXPERT so take what I said with an open mind and examine with your head, not your heart.

[bright 2 morro]

I have to agree with the others here. I am in the same boat as you right now. My H was really nice to me for a month and just this week he brought up the money thing. And because I would not agree to less money now he is not talking to me and he is back to mean. I went through this also with him wanting me to sign a piece of paper saying I will never move. And then he got over it. He is only nice to me when he wants something from me that he knows he will lose out on in court.

I feel as if you have to do what your heart tells you to do. He is using the threats and niceness to get what he wants because that is what it is about right now for him. My H has pulled out all the tricks in the book. Even down to saying that because I will not agree to do it his way I never loved him.

These are all ways they try to bully to get what they want.

B2M

[Lissie]

Um, I am no expert

But I was willing to go to trial to get what was owed to me

it is bad enough what javier did to me and the kids and then he wants me to struggle financially toooooooooo bad.

I said it as nice as possible too

and if he said well I can't afford this

well then no one told you to live a double life did they> maybe you can get 2 jobs for your 2 lives.

I am not money hungry at all, My house it tiny, and i just wanted enough to put food on the table that was it.

If you are going to struggle, then don't do it

and if he is so angry at you, then to bad. He should of thought about all that before he let his penis do all the thinking

OOOOOOOOOOOOOps

not bitter

just sick of my friends being dumped on

[bright 2 morro]

Very well said Lissie!

Lol

[kikifree]

I appreciate dearly ALL and any opinions. The thing is i can truly afford it. i believe no matter what God will provide.

I DO think the same way as do.

I know h's motive right now is only money. I told him and he agreed.

I will keep the house and he wil not have any part of it.

If i sold it now , I could make almost 100,000 on it.

i find that fair.

What am I really holding out for?