Well, went over and cooked at H's apartment. We had a good time. We did a lot of talking...no R talk, just nice conversation. A little flirtatious again. When I left I got a big hug and a couple of kisses. There was something different about the hugs and kisses tonight. Before, I felt like he was kind of reluctant to hug or kiss. Tonight, he hugged me tight and kissed me very passionately. Felt really good. He kept telling me how nice it was to come over and cook.
I still need to keep reminding myself to go slow and have patience.
KLM, What a joy to read...I cant believe how well its going for you. I guess you're still afraid, but sounds like its all going in the right direction. Well done !!!!! You must be proud of yourself for helping to turn the sitch around? Ali x -------------------- Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thanks Ali! Yes, I am still afraid. I actually think me being gone this past weekend helped. He says he wants to be alone, but I think this weekend he found out what it was like to be alone.
It is still a rollercoaster and I think it will be a while before I can relax.
I went out to eat with H again last night. We had an alright time, we talked on the phone for a while before. He came and picked me up, and when he brought me home he just came in. I figured he would just leave. I didn't ask him to come in because I didn't want to push, but he did it on his own.
I am frustrated with myself right now because I feel this need to take care of H. Why do I feel so responsible for him?? Like yesterday, I really just wanted to go home and relax. I didn't really feel like doing anything. However, I couldn't relax because I was worrying about H. I was worrying about things like him being lonely and having no food.
Then I ask myself, why do I do this?? If he had chosen to work on things instead of moving in with OW then he wouldn't be struggeling so much right now. Why do I want to rescue him? He didn't worry about me when I was all alone with no family or friends and he was off spending all his time with OW. I was having to take care of the house and bills by myself. He didn't feel sorry for me. I just am beginning to wonder if his wanting to work on things comes from the need to be taken care of. Is he using me?
Anyway, just some thoughts going through my mind. I like spending time with him, I just feel stressed because of all his problems right now. Not sure why I feel the need to make his problems my problems.
It's so hard to watch someone you care about struggle.
I think it's just important to keep in mind that he can take care of himself, and you can be there to support him without actually trying to fix it for him. A fine line, and far easier said than done, but it is possible I think.
That being said, keep making time for yourself. And if you find yourself worrying, try and distract yourself by working out or something. It's important to make yourself happy in all this too. :-)
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You are right, I need to remember that he can take care of himself. I'm just not sure why I am like that with him. I just always run to his rescue. I know I have to work on that. I actually think that may be part of all of this. He needs to do this on his own.
I did go to H's tonight to watch Lost. ...Then we ML...which was initiated by him!! Like I had said before, there was no reluctance this time. It was just different. I felt closer to him than when we ML before. There was also some cuddeling afterwards, which there hasn't been much of. A good night all in all.
I tend to do the same thing with my H. It has been easier for me with the distance and lack of communication because I am not as tempted. I fear I will face the same problems if we ever start spending more time together though. I think that might be an important dynamic to change though.
I'm glad you had a good night. :-)
Sleep well.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, it was definitely easier not to "take care of him" when he wasn't living here. I guess I didn't really know of his problems. That is definitely something that I need to change about our relationship.
So yesterday he said something about maybe just getting a job waiting tables for some money until he could find something better. He seemed kind of embarassed by this but I told him there was nothing wrong with that...he really does need some income as he is running out of money. So anyway i asked him if he was going to put in some applications today. He said "well, I thought i would wait until Saturday so you could go with me." Why would he wait?? It is like he needs me to hold his hand. I just think that is strange.
Today I was thinking about our anniversary and how that is going to go. Valentine's Day is not that big of a deal to me, it never really has been. I have just never really gotten into it for some reason. But...shortly after that is our anniversary. I just wonder if H will even say anything about it. I guess I need to remember that whole no expectations thing right?
The whole waiting til Saturday thing is kinda amusing. It's like he wants the moral/emotional support. I'm glad he's asking for it from you and not someone else. And yeah, there's absolutely nothing wrong with picking up a temporary job to get by. I have friends that complain they can't get jobs and I'm like, I've never looked for a job for more than a week, it may not be a career or pay great, but a job is a job when push comes to shove.
While I'm sure he will remember your anniversary, he may be ambivalent about celebrating it because of what has happened in between. It may not feel like a true anniversary because there was a chunk missing out of the year while you were not together. It might be more positive to focus on the anniversary of his moving or something. Lol, did you used to celebrate your monthly "anniversaries" in high school? Maybe you should do something like that instead. Well, not instead, because he may get you a card and gift, but he may not. No expectations. He's dealing with a lot of emotional baggage, and that day will be very emotional for him, but they may not be happy ones. Perhaps just get him a card and small gift? And maybe hold off on giving it to him til you see if he gives you anything?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
