What the he!! is happening now?

[bright 2 morro]

I think you may have misunderstood me.

Then you are not ready to move on. Until you can make a decision about your marriage that does not involve "moving on with someone else" then you are not ready. You have to be OK with yourself before you can make that decision, not just look for someone else to make you feel good about yourself.

I have been going through this for quite some time and I have worked on myself. I know who I am and what I want. That is the problem. I am not looking to someone else for happiness. I am just saying that I get to the point that I am not sure that I want to wait forever for him. I am entitled to be treated right. I would never just jump into a relationship. But I can not wait my whole life for him either. What if he never address his issues? Which is entirely possible.

You cannot stay together for the kids. It is never healthy. You have to be willing to either bend to your H's wishes and loose yourself or you have to be willing to stand up for yourself, your kids and your marriage. Your H gets to decide for himself what he is going to stand (or fall) for.

I was not even suggesting that. What i was getting at is if he came to me and said he wanted this back I would be willing to do what it took to put the marriage back together. I would be willing to try because of the the kids. Making hard to just walk away. I would not take him back unless he truly wanted it. And he would have to make some major changes.

1. because I know that I love this man (ok the non alien guy), I know what he is capable of and I know he was never like this.
You are just now seeing what he is really capable of my dear.

The thing I was refering to here is the non alien man I knew and loved for so many years. He is capable of being loving and kind and caring. Somewhere deep inside he is a great man that is thoroughly depressed, confused, and messed up right now. I also know that being this mean guy just adds more guilt and anger to his already guilt ridden and angry Mind.

I have moved on quite a bit over the last year. I have been in therapy for most of this time and it has helped me tremendously. But I will by no means deny that I still love this man. I will not deny that I have ups and downs. That is going to happen. And yes, I do and always will care about what he thinks of me. And the one thing that I know is that in his mind he does think greatly of me. He just can not let it surface.

I thank you for your advice and much of it is a helpful reminder. But some of the things you wrote came across as the negative spin on things. So that is why I had to address them with here.