What the he!! is happening now?

[trytoohard]

Good Morning b2m,

Right after that he asked me about child support (he knows that this is not a good subject). I told him that I did not want to discuss it. He pushed me and pushed me and i finally said that I had not thought of any other amount other than the standard. From that point on he has been a completely different person.

Your H is manipulating you. You have already made it clear what amount you would settle for and it is not more or less than you are entitiled to by law. He didn't become a completely different person, he became the real him. He was the completetly different person while you all were out.

He is blaming me for trying to get revenge on him because I will not settle for less money. He is blaming me for getting revenge on him if I do not get my way. He said he was compromising because if he had it his way he would have the kids and not pay me any money. And that I am not even willing to budge. Well, I have already told him that I do not need to have Allimony. He would not accept that as a compromise (I did not even bring this up this week). In my opinion he is the one being irrational because I will not do everything his way. The minute I do not agree to do things his way he threatens lawyers and legal battles and meanness.

Revenge for what? You are entitled BY LAW to what you are asking. He left you and the kids. "If he had things his way" blech! Sounds like he is trying to bully you into accepting less than you are entitled to and the fact that he is willing to short change his kids should have you standing up to this guy fast. He is trying hardcore to control you, that is why he threatens all that nastiness.

Let him threaten. Remain calm. Tell him you are not going to budge. His anxiety and anger is HIS, not yours. Hold on to yourself and do NOT accept less for your babies than they deserve.

For those of you who have gone through this and are back in the marriage, have you experienced this? Is this something that I should just let it play through. Why the sudden change in attitude?

Yes, I have experienced this. Do not fall for it. He is panicked that he cannot control you for his own benefit and will continue to be nasty and hateful as long as you let him see that it bothers you. I told my H once "I can see that you have choosen to continue to behave like a spoiled child, pouting over not getting exactly what you want. Just like I wouldn't give in to one of our kids, I'm not going to accept anything less than what is right. It won't work"

am actually getting to the point where I want to move on with someone else.

Then you are not ready to move on. Until you can make a decision about your marriage that does not involve "moving on with someone else" then you are not ready. You have to be OK with yourself before you can make that decision, not just look for someone else to make you feel good about yourself.

1. because I know that I love this man (ok the non alien guy), I know what he is capable of and I know he was never like this.
You are just now seeing what he is really capable of my dear.
2. I would be willing to put all of this behind us for the kids. They want nothing more than to have their Dad back in the family. My D9 is having a lot of problems with this and it is getting worse not better. She actually asked me yesterday. Why would he do this to his kids if he knows how painful it is because he went through it? His parents were divorced. And then she said why would he want to hurt his kids.

You cannot stay together for the kids. It is never healthy. You have to be willing to either bend to your H's wishes and loose yourself or you have to be willing to stand up for yourself, your kids and your marriage. Your H gets to decide for himself what he is going to stand (or fall) for.

Any insite would be greatly appreciated. Is there still hope and what is this weird turn. My suspicions are that he was getting to close again and enjoying it so he pulled back hard. But I am not sure.

There is always hope b2m! Depends on what it is you are hoping for as to how realistic it is though. This turn is not weird to anyone outside the exchange. He is manipulating you to get what he wants. He probably does enjoy hanging out and having fun but the fact that he hits you up on the money subject after these exchanges means he is hoping you will cave after he has "graced you with his presence" for a time.

Reassure your D that no matter what happens, he will always be here Daddy and that he loves her the best way he knows how. Do not expose your children to these exchanges between you and their father, they certainly won't be able to grasp it when you can't yourself.

Best of stenght my dear!