Hanging on to what I believe in!

[Nature Girl]

Hi BA,

Keep hanging in there, it sounds like your H is going through some really ruff stuff. I can imagine that it is so very hard to step back from it and not try to fix it.

You said your H was twisting your conversations around. I know it is so hard, but could you try not to say anything yourself, do more listening than speaking, and make the words you do say ones that validate what he has said so that he knows you are listening and trying to understand him?

Stay strong BA. I know how hard it is to hear about him being with the MOW. It sucks, but it sounds like you realize that it has to be like that right now. That if you tried to put opposition up about it, it would only push him away.

(((hugs))) and prayers coming your way!

[transformer]

Dearest Ba,

Thank you for checking on my thread! Your words mean so much to me too. I don't know if you feel this way, but it surprises me how much strength I get from other's support on this board. I think not everyone in our immediate circle gets what we're doing and even if they do they're not always available to support. So this community is a real gift.

You are being so strong. I'm sad to hear that the cuddle time is on hold for now. You are truly compassionate.
It is amazing how much you are able to put him first, up to the point that the instant you see his face change you adjust your communication plan. It must be really hard to keep it all inside though... You are a pillar of strength and compassion, BA!

I am pulling for you...

((BA))
T

[ba065]

Can somebody just tell me that everything is going to be all right, even if it isn't? I would just like to hear/read that right now.

Thanks

BA

[TRUSTING]

ba

Everything will be alright, for you. You will become a stronger, better, healthier person.

Will your H make it out of the tunnel, I don't know.

Will your marriage reconcile, I don't know.

But you will be better than ever.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((BA)))))))

Trusting nailed it! I was going to say that earlier, I don't know how things will turn out, but you are going to be alright!

[ba065]

Trusting & DH:

Thanks for responding....you know I know this...I know I know this...it's just nice to hear it from someone once in awhile. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time today...nothing has really changed...it's just one of those days I guess.

Thanks for being out there! ((((((Trusting)))))) ((((((Jeff))))))

Thanks everyone for posting to me today....I appreciate your responses and prayers. I'm very lucky to have found this place and all of you....you are a great comfort to me!

Hugs to you all!

BA

[Nature Girl]

BA, I'll say it too...

Everything will be alright in the end, in time. It may not be what you had in mind, this time last year, or two years ago, or today, but you will be alright. I can tell that about you just by the little time we are here on this bb!

(((more hugs)))

[new_attitude]

I think everything will be better than alright! Hang in there. You're doing so well!

[Essie]

BA
Once again you are incredible. I have no idea how you manage to hold it together while your H is acting the way that he is. You are going to be OK, in fact it really cant get any worse than it is now, living in limbo land. Your H is so incredibly blessed to have you by his side.

How worried are you about separating? What is your biggest fear at the moment?

I cant wait to read your success story one of these days, how exciting will that be! You are an inspiration.

[ba065]

Thanks everyone for your posts...I really do appreciate each and every one of you and your words of encouragement!!!!!!!! Hugs!!!!

Essie:

I don't have a fear of separating at this point, although I was worried about it a few months ago....H doesn't seem to be looking for an out in that regard...he's considering that his sleeping in the other bedroom is a "trial separation" but we do have normal interactions alot of the time...I'm not talking about IR...I mean, we go out to dinner or go biking or shopping together...go to church, that kind of stuff....

He has no place to go really....MOW is married and not looking to leave her H. She has feelings for him, I'm told....but I think the attachment is more from H's side...He's in love with her but admits that there is nothing that will come out of it because she won't leave her H. So unless H wants to divide everything up and sell both our properties and go get a place to live alone...he has no incentive to do that really....neither one of us would be able to live the lifestyle we're used to if we were on our own and that bothers him.... So, I don't think that separation is in the cards yet....???? Of course that could all change tomorrow!? H is also concerned with how things would appear to family and friends if he left....why, I don't know, but he worries about what our parents would think.

I guess my biggest fear stems from his depression. He's so all over the place emotionally. From threatening to blow his brains out....to saying he would never do something stupid like that...to being kind caring and compassionate...to being ruthless, dishonest and mean...the normal MLC script stuff.... like I've said before I'd rather him be happy and alive even if that means we can't be together....I've told him this repeatedly...and he just says "I know".

Sometimes he so rational about things that I question the MLC and if he really has it....other times I believe he has it...no doubts....he's all over the board!

Last night he was very kind and caring...he initiated R talks and I blew it and ended up crying alot....he felt so bad for me. He was holding me and trying to comfort me...kept asking me if I was okay...he cuddled with me this morning again?! Took my face in his hands before he left...kissed me a couple times and said I love you. ???? He just called my work and invited me to meet him for lunch???? He and MOW had lunches twice this week already, so maybe she is busy today?!

I hate this ride.

Thanks again guys....you are great!

BA