Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

H & I went to MC today. I didn't cry--but I did tell him that I don't want to live in this weird limbo anymore where he won't leave but won't be present in our M. I really felt that the episode with our Ds (described in previous post) made it necessary to start pressing the issue.

I know it is not the DB/MLC way, but I think every marriage is unique and no one approach is one-size-fits-all. So far, pushing the envelope a bit on my part seems to actually shake H out of his stupor. For us, it seems, the cheeseless tunnel is the one where we steer clear of one another.

I apologized again for how much it hurt for him to be rejected sexually by me. That is at the crux of it for him--and I do understand now. H wonders what makes it a marriage without ML? The fact is, we did ML, but I was very often not into it and he hated that.

Anyway, I told him (again, get out the DB 2 by 4s) that if we were going to continue to live, essentially, as a separated couple under one roof, he should just leave. He said he had nowhere to go--which is sad but true, given our financial situation and his joblessness.

Long story short: after much discussion of separation and telling the kids and living arrangements, etc--he ultimately agreed to "try" to re-invest in our M. He gave me a french kiss later, which D11 noticed and said "eww" about--but clearly it reassured her.

I don't know. This is what I have wanted--for him to make an effort--but after months of him saying IDLYA, it is hard for me to give myself over to it--whatever "it" will entail. Sex, maybe? Affection? I would like to tell him (Ingrid, are you there?) that any sex we have now will count as make-up sex for my past un-into-it-ness. Is that weird? How can I engage in anything like that when I know he really wants me to help us figure out how to separate?

Does this mean we are "piecing?" I just don't know what is really happening, what H thinks, or how I should respond.