Hey Nik. Yes, you can call me K. Good idea about changing the name. Not sure how to do that but I might soon. I don't really think about what it means anyway. I just look for the K.
Yes, my shrink thinks the relationship is/was a bad one even if she comes back. He thinks she is probably going to continue being emotionally unavailable as she is unaccepting of being a lesbian. She has some childhood emotional damage that we (shrink & I) don't see her attending to in this lifetime. So he just thinks it's best for me to move on, forget her and find someone else. By the way, I would call her back if she called. Maybe not immediately but certainly within 24 hours. I have a feeling that's never going to happen though. Hate to be pessimistic, just realistic.
I try to take everyone's advice, including my books, mix it with my gut feelings and beliefs and try to do what I think I need to do. This is certainly not easy. I think I've explained before that she's heavy into religion at this time and thinks being gay is wrong. Shrink says that's just an excuse to avoid being with a woman (her real issue).
So that's why it's hard for me to find really good advice on this site because not only am I battling her leaving me but 1) I have no reason for contact (like some of you do with children), 2) We are not or never have been "married" like most of you and 3) She doesn't want to be a lesbian anymore! Too much drama!
Don't worry. I have been and continue to seek sincerely happy moments. I enjoy myself quite a bit. I love to read and could do it all day. I have friends and family. But you know it's not the same.
I live in Tennessee. But the boredom thing is not activity. I teach school, go to church, go out with friends on the weekends, work out at a gym, "walk" for exercise with a couple of friends on some weeknights and weekends, take trips with my 20 year ago ex, who is my current best friend, do things with my nephews. Broken record - But you know it's not the same.
I want someone to live with, sleep with, make love with, connect with, you know. I suppose boredom to me means no lover/partner. And where I live, not much opportunity to meet a beautiful, intelligent, professional, single lesbian.
3600 posts - you sure have been busy in 1 1/2 years! Hope you're doing well with your situation. I promise I will read up on it soon and maybe even give you some advice! Ha. If you are still living together, count your blessings. Sounds good to me. Small improvements sound wonderful. I would be thrilled. No contact at all, she doesn't return my calls or texts, doesn't call me for any reason, etc. SUCKS!
But this is really nice having you as a "penpal." Good luck to you and keep writing. It is helpful.
