And in this dream did you tell H that while he might love with all his heart and want to grow old with you...that he needs to grow up FIRST...because you are not an easy pushover...he walked on you enough the first several times he came home after dumping/being dumped by OW that now he has to prove himself...win your affection back...and get some counseling before you will consider his clothes in your closet again!!!
.....it was just a dream.....Im not taking him back without alot of counseling and growing up....which I am still seeing he needs to do.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Thanks Lin....busy, yes. I own a florist, so I am very busy the first part of this month! Valentines is a big busy day for me!
I have come here with a ? today....my H talked to me last night at TKD....He told me that the OW had asked him to move in with her. I just looked at him kinda dumb really...Then he told me that he decided that it was way too soon and there were too many "what ifs". I told him that I thought it would be crazy for him to do it with the what ifs because if it didnt work out with them, then he would be left with no home...he agreed, said that was his thinking also. I asked him what she said when he told her....then he said he hadnt told her yet. He had just told her that he would have to think about it. ??? that is my question, why did he feel the need to tell me if he was going to tell her no? Why discuss this with me?? Then he precede to tell me or say that he guesses I know that him and the kids stayed at the OW's house last night....I was really not ready to hear that. He said he figured that the kids had told me...I said they didnt, they were probably afraid to tell me. Anyway, he said he had asked the kids several times if they wanted to stay and they said yes. He said the OW had wanted them to stay, that they seemed comfortable around her. Actually, my kids would stay with a stranger if they had a playstation and a 4 wheeler, it isnt about the person....anyway, my H said he felt bad for doing it and that it wouldnt happen again. (he said that, not me) He asked was I mad at him and I said NO, just disappointed in him and pissed at her for even suggesting it. I said that was the one thing we were going to discuss before it happened. Anyway, I handled it well, better than he thought I would. I did speak to my d and told her I knew about them staying at the OW's, I asked her why didnt she tell me, said she didnt know, I asked did she want to stay there, she said, Not really. I told her that she needed to be honest with me and her dad, and not be afraid of hurting our feelings. She said OK...anyway, I told her dad what she said. I didnt fuss, just told him what she said.
We were actually having a good discussion about it. He then asked how come we seem to get along and be able to talk better when we arent "together". All I could say was that there were no expectations or pressures to work on anything....He said he had been thinking about that lately.
Anyway, I just dont get why he told me about OW asking him to move in, and for him to tell me that he was going to tell her no....but told me first. Was he looking for approval? Just struck me as odd...kinda like the last time he told me that he was quitting EMS, but hadnt told her yet, told me first....
Last edited by kissak; 02/05/0802:34 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
And you got sucked in again! The minute he started speaking about OW you should have cut him off...I have my ideas of why he did this but what good it does you I don't know...
Also, you should not have questioned your D...kids start feeling "caught in the middle"...she didn't tell you because she didn't feel comfortable...it would have been better to bring things up in a "what if" sort of way...ease into the discussion of things like that and let her volunteer to tell you based upon your easy feelings about things...
All I can say is he is slowly roping you in...getting you to talk to him...asking your opinion...I can hear the fishing reel being wound up...can't you see it???
Yes Lin...I see it, believe me. Youre right, I should have probably used a "what if" stratagy with my D. Thanks for recommending that.
Yes, My H has lost it...had a convo with him yesterday. He wants to work on "us" again. He wants OW to break up with him...notice I said he wants OW to break up with him...He is the biggest chicken I have ever met! Yes, he is doing it again...but the buck stops here! I know he is wanting me to do something to break them up. Yes, H has lost his mind! I didnt contact him at all today...was proud of myself. He is spinning....he needs help. I am here right now because I cant sleep. Do I really want him back in my house? No. I dont think so. I like it the way it is right now and it has taken me awhile to get here. I like being happy alone...he is not reeling me in, just thought he was for a moment. I miss my Old H. I really do...but this man, I am just not missing at all. Let him stay with the OW until he is sick of her....until he dumps her or whatever....he made his own bed and I am not going to help him at all with this one.
This is so stupid....and sad really. But I feel good about what I am doing right now. Even if he does leave her, things WILL stay the same.
I know you probably will all say that I shouldnt have even had the convo with him, but at least I know what is going on in his little head now.
What I see however is that he wants OW....until he starts missing me, then he wants me...until he starts missing her....never ending as I see it....he will have to be alone for quite a while and seek some much needed help....I will not put my kids or myself through this stupidity again....
I will keep praying however that he will figure out that NO ONE can make him happy, until he makes himself happy....and I pray he will get his life right so we can build a marriage on a solid foundation.
Maybe I can go get some sleep now.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I know you probably will all say that I shouldnt have even had the convo with him, but at least I know what is going on in his little head now.
What I see however is that he wants OW....until he starts missing me, then he wants me...until he starts missing her....never ending as I see it....he will have to be alone for quite a while and seek some much needed help....I will not put my kids or myself through this stupidity again
No, you shouldn't have had that conversation with him. Just as you should not have had many many many of those same kind of conversations with him. But you keep doing it, so I guess you must like them???? And what exactly did you learn about what's going on inside his tiny head?? Whatever it is you think you've learned, I highly doubt it's what you think.
What I see is he is much like you. He likes the drama. He loves the attention. He feeds on it, he feeds on those conversations ya'll have. Your right about one thing, it will NEVER END until you end it and start DB'ing in a way it was meant to be.
I truly can say I don't know how you do it. To me, a simple conversation with Rich leaves me drained.......much less having those kind of conversations over and over again. I'd be a zombie. When are you going to go dark? When are you going to drop the rope? When are you going to try and restore your marriage? When are you going to let your H do whatever the hell it is he wants to do without you being there and tormented along the way? You are your own worst enemy Kissak....and God knows I hate to read what you go through, but YOU ALLOW IT. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why....
Hugs honey.....I do want the best for you.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Thanks Jeanette....I dont know how to answer your questions though. I actually have come to the conclusion that even if my H comes home, I dont think things will work anymore. Not because I dont want it to, but because he doesnt know how. He never will. I really would just like to forgive him for everything and be his friend. I find I am more at peace with it all if I do talk to him. I have to do what is right for me.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I really would just like to forgive him for everything and be his friend. I find I am more at peace with it all if I do talk to him. I have to do what is right for me.
K how is your wh to learn anything from this lesson if you play the patsy and "everything is ok" , what are you teaching your kids if you keep doing this back and forth with a man that does not respect you and sure as heck does not respect his marriage vows, if you can't do it for you as least try for your kids.
Your not his Dear Abby sounding board for his relationship with the other woman, neither one of you have learn from this journy it's seems to me that any attention from your ws is better than none at all you really need to sit down with your self and see what you are getting out of this three way threesome you all seem to thrive on.
You say you want to go dark but you don't, you call or text him back when he contacts you, ifs it's not an emergency about your kids you do not need to answer yet you do.
I said before why should he change his M.O. when it's seems to be working for him.
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
