Thank you. It's hard to explain; some days I want back what we had, even though that seems very unlikely. Other days I so badly want to move onto something better, less complicated, non-dramatic. A few years ago knowing I would be seeing him would cause me to make sure I looked perfect, filled up the fridge with all his favorite things, and catered to his needs. Now, I know it's better to not play the Stepford wife role; that doesn't work, anyway. My H alluded to the fact that a lot of what he told me about ow and him was not true; that he had tried to make it sound "bad" so I would "run", as he put it. I am not entirely sure what specifically he made up, but it hurts me that he took the chance that telling me the most painful stories wouldn't push me over the edge. Furthermore, I was so emotionally upset I got sick from a lot of what I thought was going on. It's amazing how your thoughts and feelings can disrupt your body. And I am angry that his lying put me through so much.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
