MLC's come home-part 2

[cagzmom]

i think i am going to file. it is wierd because in North Carolina the papers can't be filed until 1 year from sepeariton. We are still yes STILL working on the garbage that we did in mediation in DECEMBER!!! I WANT TO HAVE the paperwork DONE!!

I said something to someone today aobut possibly filing in March. She siad "you just ready to get it over with..." NOPE that is NOT what I am ready to do. I guess for me it is the letting go....the marriage i HAD IS DEAD. God broght Lazurus back to life. IF my H takes steps to God - then maybe his life will be reborn and there could be a new us...i just dont see him letting himself hit bottom... i just don't.

i know every day it seems different and i still believe i am standing. BUT he is going to move in with her - he wants his freedom and to i want to give it to him-- but I think NOT FOR HIM but for me.

NOT for a reaction - NOT to say "i beat you to the punch..but for me. H - you want out...ok your out. end of story."

i dont contact unless about $ or the kids. when i do talk to him - he lies. when i do see him - he lies. when i do think about him - it hurts.

my h is a runner - always has been. his only hope is to hit bottom and i have to really let him go. i am praying and seeking God about it...i just dont know...and i am thankful that MArch 12th is not tomorrow. becuase today i dont know.