Continuing with the quote, do you really ever "get rid" of someone who has a key part of your life. To me D is just a shoddy covering over an obvious mess that never goes away. Most mistakes we make will go away with effort and time, however D is one of those things that will always be present in one form or another, especially if you have kids or grandkids.
In college my room mate was from a D family, it was tough watching him try to get over the hurdles of dating, trusting and dealing with R challenges. All a girl had to do was roll her eyes funny and he would be out of there.
Does this mean I'm famous now? "Wise sage" - most days I feel like I'm stumbling around barefoot in the dark and there's broken glass everywhere. But the more I read, the more I learn about myself. Oh, I remember another quote about that - I'll have to find it. And it's all because of everyone here.
Such genius that put this into motion, bringing people from around the world together to help each other through the challenge of saving marriages that most would walk away from. I'm grateful to all of you.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
I don't think mistakes ever go away - at least I hope not. I hope that every mistake I make teaches me something, otherwise, what a waste. I hope that my H's mistakes teach him something about love, trust, faith, honesty, family, self respect, communication. Of course lessons like these are brutal, and if want them to go away, you can push them out of your mind, but I'm pretty sure that if you don't learn from your mistakes, they will come back and bite you in the a$$ over and over again. Maybe that's why so many 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages don't work out either - they never learned what went wrong in the first one.
Quote:
do you really ever "get rid" of someone who has a key part of your life
I would say no, even if they are not there anymore physically, they leave a shadow, like after you've looked at a bright light, that affects us for the rest of our lives. Your story about your college roommate makes me even more determined to make sure my D feels safe through this process, even if my H never comes back. Maybe your roommate's parents were so wrapped up in thier sitch to take the time to talk to him about what was going on. I'm not afraid (or ashamed) to talk to my D about some of my feelings, and I think that makes her feel like she is not so alone, not so afraid of what will happen to her. Of course, I am very careful about what I say, but she needs to know that I hurt sometimes too, but together we can help each other feel better, and that's how it's supposed to work w/ people who love each other. And that she can trust me no matter what, since you have to be able to trust someone to survive in this world.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
Lately I haven't talked much to kids, just don't want them feeling the "looming" feeling I feel some days. Also S15 likes to throw out the emotional "barbs" some days when he's made, that could go very bad quickly if he's mad enough. Probably my feeling is W will go WAW eventually, or turn this thing around. Time and patience will tell if I'm able to persevere through this whole ordeal.
Thanks for the visit, y'all! I love to debate these issues. And, yes Phoenix, much patience is needed. Just remember that nothing is a certainty. All ya can do is enjoy what you have now, and hope there's better to come. Words I try to live by, but fail hopelessly quite often. Ugh!
Take care of yourselves!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being Me, I thought I'd pass this on to you, I like you might like it as much as I do:
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. - Barbara Bloom
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Felt like a nice warm bike trip this past weekend. For now I'll just have to break out the old pictures. Some positives, some negatives seem to be fading. Maybe I'll get W a funny V day card and slip some Canadian tire money in it. Do you think their hockey gear is on sale yet? Not quite sure what to get W, I use to be such a romantic. Now I'm just hoping to not undo any positive things I have done.
I hope your job is going well.
Words I try to live by, but fail hopelessly quite often. Ugh!