We'll call this a non conclusive poll. You all have very valid points, I guess that's why I'm not sure what to do either. Things have been better, is it a matter of W wanting/expecting something in return? I think sometimes things get better when W needs my support or help on something, however, it's not always that way. I feel that sometimes W old stubborn resolve of needing D pops up it's head, but then not long there after W sees that things are not as bad as originally thought. In the overall picture, I think W knows the right thing to do, but her pride gets in the way. So right after something provides a difficult challenge, she goes into the "this isn't going to work" mode.
Right now I am leaning towards taking the middle ground approach in regards to V day. I guess I have a week before I really have to make the decision. Perhaps a little event a work today might have helped her see my value more clearly.
Lately I think a lot of subtle things, of which I have had no part in, have helped her see the importance of R and family. What can you say when other people and events makes you look good? D17 seems to be getting more involved in her own life and not buying so much into being W MLC accomplice. Taking a step back seems to have given D17 a chance for her to strengthen herself spiritually, by her own choice. W has been seeing her "busy" activities as just what they are.
By the way WCW, when issues with S11 and school came up recently, I think W got a good look at the way things could be without me. She had to deal with things she was not ready to handle, which on most other days I would step in and handle. Mix that with positive comments from teacher and staff of my ability to deal with S11. There seems to be a trend that when there is issues at school the teachers and staff tend to call me first, they see that I can calm him down a lot better than anybody else.
Have been listening to a lot of helpful materials in the M field, I think I'm feeling good about my approach. My feeling is that I have to learn to be firm but loving in how I deal with W and sitch. As W seems to mellow out I think she is starting to see that I have been just that, therefor there isn't much to be hostile about when she is stressed about the sitch. I guess my mantra now is "do what's right, for the right reason and let the cards fall where they will". That way, if this all goes south, I'll have nothing to feel sorry for or hang my head over. These Ms are two people together making decisions, sometimes one party can make mistakes. We each have to answer for ourselves.
