Unrequited Love...

[bhopeful]

The rest of the IM conversation goes as follows:
W: I know
I just don't want to keep you hanging.
It isn't fair for you to wait for me
B: I'm fine
W: In agony from the horrible pain I've inflicted on you
B: you have your own pain to deal with. don't worry about me.
W: You are right but I will always worry about you
B: As I you

And then we somehow got into astrological signs and how I'm a fire element and she's water and that we're not compatible, blah, blah, blah... I ended up telling her that my name means strength so I'm a strong fire that can't be put out by some water. She didn't have anything to say to that. I don't put a whole lot of stock in the signs. I believe life is what we make it and we're not predestined by the stars... ANYWAYS...

Kalni-
I do have the strength and will to continue. I don't see this as being over with. Just one more attempt by the alien to push me away. I can tell she fights with this alien inside of her. Otherwise why would she care so much about me still being around and wanting me to be her best friend and confidant. You're right in that time will tell. I hope my poor little heart can stand the abuse.
At the beginning of the year I remember hearing a report that the divorce rate rises from the beginning of the year to around Valentines day. The peak of that rise is around this week or last, so I guess we're just seeing that reflected here too. I almost congratulated my W last night for making the average, but I thought that might be a bit too spiteful.

hope-
Thank you for taking the time to check out my situation. I appreciate your input. I think that you're right in that I need to let her find her way back to me. Although, I can't completely agree that I shouldn't be her rock. I'm not going to jump in and save the day anymore, but if she wants to lean on me then I will definitely let her. I completely agree that she was trying to free herself from some guilt last night. I didn't make it easy on her though. Not that I was trying to be difficult, but because I truly strive to have unconditional love for her. I also think that her actions say that she still cares. This is where I have to believe little of what they say and half of what they do.

Transformer-
Sweet T! Hugs to you... Thank you so much for your input.

You know that there is a calm, beautiful woman, full of light, somewhere inside your beloved W. Keep loving and believing in that woman, even though she is completely invisible right now.

I love this description of her. She is my beloved one. I have faith that I will see her again someday. I get brief flashes of her from time to time and it gives me hope.
Thanks for the info on the Peace Corps. I know that they have a pretty rigorous interview process and I don't think that she would pass it in her current state unless she was able to lie her way through. She recently talked with a couple people that were in it and I think that they talked her into wanting to do it. I know that she wouldn't do well with isolation. I can't tell her any of this though as she wouldn't even listen. She would just interpret it as me trying to control her.
I don't plan to stop being her rock. There aren't too many people that she can truly rely on if it comes down to it, so there's no way that I would shut her out.
I like your seed analogy. My little sprouts sure are competing for space and she keeps trying to pluck them out...
It's hard not to get discouraged when I find out that just over a week ago she told my neighbor that she was thinking of coming home. I guess that just goes to show how confused she really is.

Thanks to all for your input and to those who just read.

B