Thanks Bill and Jeff. No...I didn't file because I wanted to apply pressure to her. No...I didn't file as 'a technique'. No...I didn't file as tough love.
I filed because no matter HOW MUCH I DB'd....my W continued to cross barriers while living under the same roof with me..the behavior was repetitive...the behavior was destructive..both emotionally and financially. My W didn't have one A...or one EA...or one PA...and then afterward, came back to me. She continued to do this, in a sense, even with my request for her not to....even telling her that to do so would cross a boundary I wasn't sure that I could forgive. Towards the end, I think it was beginning to affect my children and THAT is when I said I had had enough.
Thru this...I think we ALL will agree that people can make their own personal choices: -to talk -to express their feelings -to offer hope - to look inward and...accept SOME responsibility for their actions ( I include MYSELF in this statement lest anyone think I am heaping this on my W).
Even after filing, I have left open numerous doors for my W to approach and talk. I offered her an evening after the kids were asleep...I offered her the other morning a chance to say 'I don't want this'...even at yesterday, I told my W (and Jeff pointed out to me that I shouldn't say anything...but..just do what I want for ME)..that I was going to start packing my things. Am I leaving? No..but...divided, and with medicine the way it is...our house will fall. I needed to do this...FOR ME..to feel like I am departing soon, which, as this goes forward, emotionally I will be.
So, for clarity, I DO do what DB says. I leave her alone. I talk with her cordially and as necessary. If she talks to me about a show on TV, I respond. I laugh if something is funny. I do my thing. I don't chase her. I don't ask where she is going. No R anything now. I even wrote a long letter to her the other morning.
I tore it up. It would have done no good
Trust me. My W knows that I love/loved her. She knows that this is not my preference..heck...I've said this over and over and over. I've slowly let her know over time...even BEFORE filing...that without some help/work/IC/MC....this marriage was broken and dead.
I can't make my wife love me. I can't flip on any of her internal 'ON' switches.
But I DO KNOW that Mr. Hoyt...in the movie clip in my last post...has it right.
To sgctxok...thanks for your support.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
