I'm okay...hanging in there. H has been so depressed and making terrible comments. I've been worried that he would do something awful to himself. Yesterday he went AWOL....but has reappeared and seems more like himself (as much as that is possible with MLC). I know he had lunch yesterday with MOW...he told me he bought...and he didn't hide the fact that he'd met her...so I guess that's something. All I said was I was glad he enjoyed his lunch. Maybe spending an hour with her helped him come out of the depression a bit.? It's an awful feeling to realize there is nothing you can do for them. I wanted to tell him how worried I am about him and the stress he's putting himself through...but when I just mentioned "hey, got a minute..." I could see the tension/anger returning to his face...so I just said "nevermind".
H came into my room at 5 this morning...I was awake...had been since 3...he layed there a minute...said he hasn't been sleeping at all and thought he'd go work out in our "weight room". I mentioned that sleep disturbances can sometimes be attributed to stress and depression....his response was well, you're not sleeping, so are you stressed and depressed? I guess so! Duh? H thought working out might help him relieve anxiety. I wanted to ask him what he's anxious about...but kept quiet. So now he works out after dinner everynight and he'll be working out in the mornings as well...what was our 15 minutes a day together ("cuddle time") will now be dedicated to his exercising even more than the hour plus he does every night. It's funny how every minute of his day is dedicated to him...his schooling, work, his biking, exercising, long hot baths....his "fun" time. It truly is all about him.... so not the man he once was......
I'm thankful he's still home. I'm thankful he's alive. I'm thankful that God is helping me to stand each day. I'm thankful H had lunch with MOW, because by doing that yesterday, he didn't try to end his misery. So many of you don't have things as "good" as I do...so I shouldn't complain.
I pray for his safe passage through this journey. I pray for MOW and her H to be able to repair/rebuild their M. I pray that God will continue to help me stand and be gracious and loving.
I'm praying for all of you and your families as well....please know that I consider all of you my friends and I truly want the very best for you!
God Bless!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
