Tackling MY Future with Enjoyment!

[sgctxok]

you're NEVER boring!

[ford]

Jeanette

you still getting that tattoo?

[AmyC]

Jeanette, you're such a smart*ss, which is of course why I love ya!!

Scratch on, my sistah!

[brandnewday]

I love boring!!!!!!

[kikifree]

Save the drama for your mamma..

[phbear316]

Hi Jeanette

Had to come here to find you to check up on you. I was getting concerned since you have not posted on my thread for a few days. I was worried you had gotten sick again. I miss your strong words and smacks in the head with the 2x4's. Just checkin in to make sure you are not mad or board with me.

Hope you are feeling better

Hugs, and love
bear

[TRUSTING]

Hope you are healing and feeling well.

[Jeanette1120]

{{bear}} your too cute!

Goal! Life after divorce is hell and I'm trying to figure it out by being still.

Wed afternoon had a convo with Rich about filing of taxes. Even tho we were d in July.....we still own our home and no it is not up for sale. Now, normally he would file using house and claim head of houshold as he earns ALOT more than I, hell, his Federal Decutions are almost as much as my entire years earnings. Last year he did the same......we split all the costs then paid what I usually owe then split the rest. It was a nice sum.

THIS YEAR however, we are d. So I said I wanted to USE half of the house so I could GET a return. He mumbled something about he pays the mortgage. I said I upkeep the house. He said zero.

Then he says let's wait and see when HE gets his taxes done. I said I'm not asking for it to be done the same as usual as we are not the same as usual just to be fair with me.

He then asked if I could call him later at work to finish talking as he was going to sleep. (He had to work the 10 pm to 6am shift) I said fine! TTYL.

I called him around 10:45, the usual pleasantries yet with a smiling undertone. Then one of the controllers came over and was asking him stuff and he said....I'll have to call you back, I said but but....he said, honey, I'll call you BACK. Click.

Tap tap tap

he calls.....now just a FEW hours earlier I had emailed someone and specifically said to them that I feel STUCK! nothing changes in my life, I just keep repeating myself over and over and over....so get this, I said so really, HOW ARE YOU? He said, the same, I'm always the same, nothing ever changes. Hellooooooo Dr. Phil so I said well ya know Rich...in order to have change a PERSON must make change blah blah blah. I said maybe 2 sentences on the subject of change....he quickly and with a little bit of snarkiness said " I'm tired of people trying to ANALYZE me"! then the annoying person came back and needed something else.....who knows, maybe a plane was crashing and I can't fuss and complain about him having to go deal with the sitch.

So thats it.

Yip

Who the hell is analyzing him?? NOT ME! I speak to him maybe once a month???? I never get the chance to analyze. And why be so snarky about it???

I never call, complain, whine or ask him to do anything anylonger. Certain things I do have to speak to him about as we do own this home. I waited 2 months before even talking about taxes. Other than that NOTHING. Not even the SPRINKLER MOTOR!

What do I see? A man who is hiding in his work. A man who is killing himself in his work, to escape the reality of responsibility.

What do I do?

In order to have change we must create change.

I have always been NICE, COMPLIANT, UNDERSTANDING, and the rest ......

It's hard living in "I don't know what the hell is going on land" I just keep going. I can't just stop and lay down and watch the world go by. I can't hide in my work, hell, I don't like it THAT MUCH! I do know that I need to make a change. I need to put out a strong yet positive message saying "Hey DUDE! I cannot keep at this much longer"! Throw me a crumb will ya!! I don't want a crumb, or even a slice....is the whole loaf of bread too much to ask for?? Fine....a slice. Not a crumb, a SLICE!

Now....solutions, actions, goals......my goal is to help him understand I am not the ENEMY. But in order for me to achieve this goal I have to find the action that will solve my problem thus giving me my solution

I"M STUCK! he hides so quickly....POOF! and your like wha??? but wait...we didn't even talk about the taxes???? ARGH!

Thats it. My life in a nutshell. Or maybe my life as a NUT in a SHELL.

Hugs and happy Friday

Jeanette

[ACJ]

Janette,
I don't know how to respond to you other than with ((((((hugs))))))). I feel I am STUCK too and yet I am not even D (although it is me who has been stalling).

[WCW]

Jeanette, you posted this on FIB's thread and I hope you don't mind if I bring it over here. I feel a bit like you posting over there (intimidated?), or even on the MLC forum in general! But I really wanted to say something about this.

If you feel that divorcing and moving on is what you need to do, then do it quickly and move on. Don't give your XWIFE NOTHING to hold onto. Don't drop a crumb, don't offer a hug, just do it and get it over with.

I get it Jeanette, I understand what you were trying to say. FIB knows that he won't consider a simple act of kindness from his W as a sign of reconciliation or her knowing the work she needs to put into the M. Mrs FIB doesn't understand though that a hug of comfort when she asks or FIB bringing the kids over for pizza by her work doesn't mean anything more than just being cordial, she thinks it's a crumb.

My H has been in the D mode for years, yet doesn't act on it or at least not in a way that I can tell. I did recently learn some things that may prove otherwise, but it is nothing he will admit to me. The killer though is when he does act kind or do something nice for me and I think is this a change? Not really, but he gets me every time even after all this time. I am stuck, he is stuck, we are stuck together, which in his mind means misery.

Being stuck sucks. Just like you with the house, you can't really move on with your life when you still have ties that bind. It's like they don't want to let you go enough that you don't still need them for something. I tried to talk to my H again, I said I was planning some trips and wondered if he would still be around to help with all the 'ranch' chores. He said sure, even if he wasn't living here I could still count on him to do chores while I was gone. I asked why he would want to do that? His answer - just because I leave doesn't mean I have to hate you!

Well, sorry this turned out to be a hijack, but I think I know where you were coming from!