It turns out that she does have feelings for the old boyfriend that she's been hanging around with. She hasn't acted on them and she doesn't know if he feels the same way. She said that she wished that there were a way for her to get rid of those feelings. She also told me that she loved me, but didn't feel like she loved me romantically anymore. (Whatever that means.) And that if she were to come back that she didn't know if she could ever be intimate with me again. I just said that would take time and is something that we would have to work on. We have to start a new relationship. I think that this is really the heart of the matter. I think that this is why she is looking to "run away" into the peace corps. I told her that I didn't think that she should be making big decisions like this until she was clear about what she wanted from life.
I've heard all of that before, although without the admittance that there is someone else. You're probably not going to get too far while she still has feelings for this guy, but it doesn't mean you have to give up. My W has come back to me a couple of times since I heard those words (although, she has since wandered off again).
There are a couple of ways you can handle this:
1) Go dark, or at least grey - Maybe without the support system you offer she will be more likely to question what she is doing. The whole Peace Corps thing sounds like BS to me - Is that what this other guy is involved in?
2) Step up and try to win her - If she isn't in the right place, this might go badly, but there have been instances where I have really done some nice things for my W and she has honestly appreciated them.
Just remember that you can't control her and she has to make decisions at her own pace. The fact that she is hanging out with you so much and her behavior is not consistent with what she is saying makes detaching REALLY hard. Time to start investing some time and energy in yourself, otherwise you're just going to burn out really quickly.
I realize all of what you heard wasn't what you wanted to hear - It always feels like you're starting over from scratch. At the end of the day, if she really didn't care about you and wanted to be gone, she would be.
Is she seeing a C or anyone? I'm not sure if you have the ability, but maybe you can encourage her to go and see someone? I had to 'tough love' my W into it, but she's starting to go consistently now.
