So all my craziness was of course unfounded. H got home at 11:15 instead of 10:15 b/c of our sleet/snow situation. He was crabby b/c it took him over an hour to get home and he was tired from a long day (although I dont remember bowling being a required activity ;)) so he pretty much went right to bed. He did come in the living room for a minute where I was finishing up my teacher's application for our home town school back in Iowa. With the move up there I need to change the focus of my job search to Iowa. Anyway we had a brief, pleasant conversation before he went to bed which made me feel better since he came in crabby.
Well, like a doorknob I refused to give up and did what I had said I would do the night before, went to bed with no pjs on, justunderwear. I slid up behind him (in Tshirt and jammy pants) to spoon him and he said "Good night", indicating, IMO, he was just tired and wanted to sleep. Several times in the night I would wake and feel his legs pressed into my knees. It was like we were spooning from the thighs down, but not back-to-chest with the tops of our bodies. So I don't think he could tell I had no shirt on. I decided to be encouraged that at least our legs were cuddling That is progress in itself.
Got up this a.m. to see if we had a snow day (we did) and H noticed I had to put a shirt on. I said yeah, came to bed naked and you missed it. He said "sorry". He told me goodbye, I said ILY and he said You too. But I have noticed he always says You Too (again, a good change from before) but he doesn't initiate the ILY so maybe I should quit saying it for awhile and see if he does????
It just bothers me b/c initiating hugs/kisses/ILYs is on my very short (like 4 things) list of changes I want from H if he truly wants to "Make Things Work". Since he is the one who had the A, I feel like he should bear some of the burden of making me feel wanted/needed again. I know he initiated messing around the other night, but to me that, fun from the waist down, is not as personal as a kiss on the lips, a look into my eyes, or hearing the words ILY. Those are the things I need to feel loved and special. And I have told him this before.
So at our MC tomorrow, if he tells her he wants us to work on things (she always asks his position on our M when we come in, since it has changed almost every time), I think I will bring up my desire for the hugs/kisses/ILYs and get her feedback. And his too; sometimes he is more open with information in front of MC. He seems more compelled to respond when she is waiting for an answer, with me, I get stall tactics a lot.
Anyway, all in all, we are leaps and bounds from where we were one month ago. So, progress is progress......
That is progress in itself.
