What's this about...??

[bombardier50]

I'mmmmmm baaaccckkk.

The trip was excellent. We spent lots of time together, but I also spent a lot of time alone, doing my own thing.

Kinda funny...took a scuba diving lesson... I looked up at one point and there was my wife at the edge of the pool, watching. Went down to the beach by myself one morning and rolled into a hammock with a book. A little while later, there she was: "Watcha reading?".

All in all, it was good. We talked quite a bit, and not once about the R. And...this is big...I got two big hugs and a kiss when I gave her a 24th anniversary gift. Oh...and I almost forgot...we went for a walk and she briefly held hands with me. That's big, folks. Doesn't sound like much...but for me, it is.

So, I guess being the eternal optimist, it looks to me like things are slowly improving.

We went to MC yesterday. Very interesting. Our MC is excellent...very savvy, knows exactly what's going on. Lucky me.

I'd like to get you folk's input on some of what went on.

W stated how she saw other couples on vacation kissing, holding, loving, and hugging each other. She mentioned in particular one very elderly couple that absolutely doted on each other, and she said how sad she felt that we weren't like that.

The MC asks her: "So is that your goal?" (I love this woman!) Of course, the MLC W says "I don't know. I just don't know..."

W goes on: "I guess I'm just so hurt from all those years (marriage rewrite), I'm not sure if I have the emotional energy to invest in him again." (MLC BS)

Long pause. Neither the MC nor I say anything.

Then W looks at me, reaches over, rubs my arm, and says: "But I do love him."

I almost fell off the couch. I DID NOT give her an "I love you too" return. I just looked at her and gave her a loving smile.

Now keep in mind, every time she displays some willingness to reconnect, there's always a little backlash. So then she says: "But I think I'm growing as a person, and I'm just not afraid of being alone anymore, if that's what this comes to."

MC looks at me and asks me how I feel about that.

I say: "You know what? I'm glad she's growing as a person. And I'm trying to stay out of her way and patiently support her in her journey. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not afraid of being alone either. I would much prefer that we find a way through this, because I think we would be much happier together, but if that doesn't happen, I know I'll find happiness. Meanwhile, I need to be a friend and be patient and supportive."

MC: "But how do you feel about the lack of sex and intimacy?"

Me: "I miss it a lot, but I want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me. She's not up to that right now. And that's OK. I don't need sex to survive. I will still be able to walk, breathe, work, eat, and sleep if I'm not having sex. Right now, she just wants to be friends. But if she ever wants sex, she knows where to find me."

Now...this is absolutely killer. The MC looks at me and says: "You are a strong, patient man. I have counseled hundreds of couples, and most men at this point would have said "F*ck you, I'm outta here!" (exact words)

She continues: "I think you two are going to be just fine. I think you're going through a rough patch, but I don't see anything here that's insurmountable. You're both swimming in a big cauldron of empty nest syndrome, menopause, midlife, career change, death of parents, etc., etc. But I don't see any reason why we can't negotiate this, and my feeling is, you guys will have an even better marriage when we're done."

Wife: "I just don't want to go back to the way it was."

Me: "Neither do I. As far as I'm concerned, that marriage is history, dead, gone. We need to build a new one."

I think we both left feeling pretty good. W was very chatty all night. I'm feeling pretty good today, for a change. I see a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's not a train headed my way...

I await the input of you brilliant people.

Bomb