Our "talk" took place, she did not cancel out and I am glad 4 that. The proverbial 'certified letter' that I had been trying to stave off through prayer and any other means at my disposal basically arrived to me by hand delivery by W.
Our encounter was very amicable at the start and pretty well remained that way for its roughly hr long duration. From her picking me up and the 10 mins to arrive @ motel she spoke to me on the updated condition of her D19 (had a case of Bell's palsy which mimics stroke last week)and her facial symptoms are clearing up daily. She also had to update me on her sis who will be having surgery in an attempt to remove cancer in her femur? .
So after the talk on those topics we arrived @ motel and in the light as opposed to the darkness of the car I am certain that the mild 180 of a constant smile on my face was everpresent and with out a doubt noticable. It felt good and came naturally around her. Instead of her saying, 'what are you smirking/smiling about' as I can recall a bunch of times, she just said, "what", to which I responded something like "I am just choosing to wear a smile", rather then getting semi-defensive as is often my nature.
At this point she gradually segued into the stated reason on her part for us getting together- a talk about us. She first made sure to take one of her Lorazepam (anti-anxiety) and I kiddingly asked her if she was distributing meds & followed that with "I doubt I will be needing one, will I?"
The initial part of her talking with me on the nuts & bolts seemed benign enough that I buried the idea of receiving papers. And she surprised me in some regards with her candidness about her actual (not Federal fortress wall city as is her custom)feelings, which showed quite a bit of vulnerability. And as I was not shocked to hear, she still has plenty of loving feelings for me. She remarked that on many occasions she could barely help herself to resist the urge to call me and request that I come and be with her so that she could hold me and have the security of my closeness. She also made mention that she had something of a rush of emotion as I approached the car upon her arrival this night to pick me up.
As I said the candidness fm her was pretty astounding for a W who in a heartbeat can erect walls taller than you can imagine along with her pride. I listened to the best of my ability and commented sparingly but purposefully during this heartfelt talk about the span of our M. But when all was said and done,through her tears, she got around to doing what she intended on and produced her envelope.
I comported myself well throughout, I thought (even with a smile). The only part that I somewhat bristled about to her was my feeling of deception by her to say this was going to be a talk and to selectively withold mention of me putting my 'John Hancock' to the - Acceptance of Service legaleez.
I spent part of the night, after she departed with what she came for and pronounced her Love 4 me walking out the door, slumped on the floor of the room and certainly barely got a wink of sleep. Nighttime prayers were a little heated on this occasion. I am sure he will forgive me as he always does. But will she?????
