I think my posts are going to be sporadic from now on. I realize this place is always going to be here for people in my situation if and when I need it. I am truly grateful for this place and the support it brings me. But it doesn't seem like I will have the time over the next 15 or so months.
I'm so busy now getting ready to go back to Iraq. It's always crazy. W has been extra nice to me lately. But I'm just trying to take it for what its worth. She is still carrying on with OM and still lying to me. So I just take her being nice at face value. Nothing more.
Last night W and I were talking and she commented on how since its just me she can say what she feels. So I ask her how is her comfort level with me since that wasn't the case for years according to her. She says its better depending on the subject. I didn't press and she told me that there are things that she can't tell me because she doesn't think I'll understand and there are some things that I'm not ready for. I said nothing. As much as I wanted to push. As much as I wanted to say I know more than you think. I said nothing. I'm not sure if that was smart. But I figure that if we ever start piecing then we can talk about what I know during C. Believe me, we will need lots of that if we ever decide to piece!
But maybe thats why she continues to lie. I haven't called her out on anything except on how I felt about her leaving the kids during important days. I want to just hang back and be a friend. Not be judgmental. But its hard because she hurts me so bad and I don't know if she realizes it. Maybe she does but who knows. I just keep acting "AS If" so she can feel comfortable around me. Timing is so bad right now. I feel I am starting to see positive signs and now I have to leave. Feel like thats the story of my R. As long as I've been in the Army its been this way. I should have gotten out years ago. Now I'll have to gut it out for four more years until retirement. Hopefully things will get better.
Anyways, Presidents day weekend will be my last with my kids until my deployment so I just need to focus on them and make my time count.
