Confessions of a Supermom - JennyF's 4th thread

[JennyF]

OK...I need to set some goals.

I feel as though I am starting to really GAL. I'm starting to find my groove in my new routine and my calendar is filling up nicely.
H and I have a schedule in place so it is easier to plan around.
I've got some logistical stuff to take care of...calling my lawyer and finalizing our financial agreement. Hopefully that will all be out of the way by the end of the week.

I have been feeling a little guilty because I've been a bit lazy with some of this stuff. Procrastinating just a bit I guess.
But I really thought about it tonight and you know what? Who the hell do I have to answer to? NO ONE! I'm doing this at my own pace and it feels right.
This got me to thinking about how I need to change myself. That I really want to make the best effort possible to look at those things that have a tendancy to drag me down and do something about it. So these are the goals I'm speaking about...
More Confessions of a Supermom:

1) I have tendency to always worry about what others think of me and if I'm being judged. GOAL: I will not dwell on what others may be thinking. I'll be true to myself and have confidence in my decisions without feeling the need to justify or explain to others.

2) I have a bit of a fear of being alone. As a result I've really leaned on a lot of people during this time (rightfully so), but I need to feel comfortable on my own. GOAL: To not try to fill every moment with friends. Enjoy time spent with me and start to do things just for and about me. Like Yoga. And reading. And knitting. I could go on and on...

3) I want to be more easy going. I have a habit of getting caught up in the routines and schedules andd little details of everyday life as a mom of 2 little ones and I just need to back off and let things play out. GOAL: Back off sometimes and just go with the flow.

4) Patience patience patience. I need to be more patient. This goes hand in hand with #3. GOAL: Stop looking for all the all actions and answers immediately and just back off and go with the flow. This goes fors my DB efforts as well as something as simple as giving my D bath and getting her into bed. Patience is afterall a virtue!

5) Stop talking to friends and family constantly about my sitch. I think that one is self explanatory.

Well...that's it so far. Many of these are things my H would probably have said bothered him (I'm kind of guessing because I never really got the chance to hear much about what WTF I did do wrong).

Lastly...I did something tonight that I think was my first step to being my H's friend. As well as I've been doing detaching and not talking about our R, I don't think I've been quite as cheerful in front of him as I should be. I've had a hard time with giving S to him so I've been fairly quiet and a bit sad sometimes. I save the crying until he is gone...but he knows it's bothering me.
ANYWYAY...I sent him an e-mail tonight with 5 really cute pics of the kids I took on the weekend.
I just said:
Hi,
I thought you might like these.
J

That's it. It really felt good to do it. I don't feel it is reaching out to him or anything. I think it's just me sharing pics of OUR kids with him. I haven't done ANYTHING like this in months...so I'm trying something different. I really don't see any way it can do any harm anyway.
I hope that if nothing else it plants the tiniest tiniest seed of doubt within him somewhere. Even if it's just a split second pang of "hmmmmm?"...I really hope it does. No expectations though...I'm more concerned with me now than him.

J~
We'll see what happens.