Thanks for all the support everyone. I think I mentioned the other day that my mind and the logical part of me knows what to do. I need to open the door and either walk out myself or tell him that it's open for him to leave. The heart is still dragging it's feet on getting that done. This time that D3 is gone is probably the best time to have any R talks. I'm trying to get in with my C too. She's on vacation.
H called me just a few minutes ago to see how my day is going. He told me that he's wishing he hadn't gone out on a "school night". He's tired and not feeling well. I said, well, you shouldn't have done the Yagerbomb shot at the bar. Gee, guess what? He doesn't remember having it. His response was a laugh and....what?, I did a Yagerbomb! Guess that probably means he doesn't remember what we talked about either. He just told me that he'd see me in a little while. He gets off a little earlier today.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 02/05/0809:08 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Sue, he's got a real problem. Until he can get his self under control, you shouldn't expose yourself or D3 to him.
Some people have to hit rock bottom (and then some) before they try to change for the better. And your H acts like he's still got a lot more rock-bottom to go.
Oh wow, Sue. I would have been very upset too. Regardless of how that "Sue" reacted, your H still made an attempt to pick her up, while out with you. Ultimate disrespect. I wouldn't spend any more time with him. I know he is lost and yes, there is still a chance this marriage could work, but right now is boundary time. If he refuses to stop doing those things in front of you, then don't be 'in front of him'. Don't make anymore plans with him. While D3 is gone, get out, yourself. Go enjoy. See a movie, shop, get a pedicure, all of the above. But for him to over-drink and hit on women while out with his wife? What would you tell a friend/family member if their husband did that to them. I just know how much it hurt you, and I don't want you hurt.
HUGS
PS: I giggled about the 'too complex for a therapist" comment too..... My H I am sure thinks the same way....
LWB made me think about what your h would say to his kids with the new sue he married. Where did you meet your w? h - I was at a concert with my wife sue when i met sue. Sorry it seemed like h bashing time.
Keep up your good work.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Thanks for the support. I couldn't make it through without all my friends here.
What a quiet night so far. D3 is with my parents and H isn't home yet. H called about 6:30 from work to tell me that he was still there and was just finishing up. Why the updates?
ls-no worries on the H bashing. Yeah, it would be an odd story for H to tell. Thankfully that "other" Sue at the concert wanted nothing to do with him. I did forget to add that he questioned me at the bar about what she and I talked about. He kept insisting that she started talking to him. Yeah, right! That "other" Sue was very forthright with what H has said to her and was very open about her own situation. Guess when you meet someone whose going/gone through the same crap, your sympathy gene comes out. She even said, I don't know why he's hitting on me, if I straightened my hair (her's was curly), we'd be just about twins. She was right. We did look a lot a like.
Well, I need to get some things done around here!
Hey Sheila, if you're lurking around, I sent you an email.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 02/06/0801:19 AM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Thankfully that "other" Sue at the concert wanted nothing to do with him
Sue, I love you and our H's are sooo similar, but you are way missing the point here. Who cares what that woman wanted or didn't want. Your H approached HER. If she approached him, he should have kept walking, even with the state of your marriage right now, out of respect for you.
PS: Why are you home!??? Get out tomorrow night. Don't come home from work at all. Take advantage of this time!
Again, thank you sooooo much. I'm actually sitting here in a puddle of my own tears. I started crying earlier and couldn't stop. D3 isn't home and I miss her terribly. H also isn't home yet. Maybe this is a good time to cry since he's not home. If D3 was home, I'd be trying to get her to bed and not really noticing the clock. But now, it's like it's right in my face ticking away.
About going out. I was just tired tonight. I do have plans on Thursday though. I'm going out with a few girls from work.
lwb- my reason for saying that thankfully the "other" Sue wanted nothing to do with my H was because it was a blow to his ego. You are right. Regardless of the state of our M, he should have left it alone instead of rubbing it in my face. He felt very threatened that I talked to her for so long. Thanks for making me feel better. You always know how to do that. And yes, the two "lunkheads" as Rob likes to call them are way too similar. I truly do need to call you soon. What's the best time to reach you??
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
That's good, Sue. Get out with the girls and don't think about the H -- focus on Sue for once. I know it's tough; we all do. We know how fatigued we get in facing this constant stress every day, and how we sometimes just want to rest, really rest, only to start worrying again about our little ones and how all this is affecting them.
Yes, it's tough. But focusing on Sue is what D3 needs right now. Your D needs at least one of her parents to be the source of stability and reason in her life, and you have a responsibility to make sure you take good care of that parent for D3's sake. With D3 away right now, take advantage of the opportunity to recharge your own batteries. Dwelling on the lunkhead is not going to help that.
You know, one thing I think we all have in common is that most of our H's, whether they have an OW or not, all seem messed up to me including mine! Sue, you know I was thinking when I posted a while back that you shouldn't probably even bother trying to talk stuff out with your H when he is drinking (it sounds like he may not remember anyway?).
I almost wonder sometimes if you should even spend too much time around your H when he is drinking? It doesn't sound healthy for you from what I can tell. I have so many former alcoholics and messed up people in my life; it's easy for me to give advice of course--I hope I haven't upset you with this!Karen43
