Had to start a new thread....I am meeting with my W tonight to ask her to stop the D petition. I will take the business approach. I will tell her this will cost us a lot of money because I cannot agree to her terms and will have to fight it out. Actually I might lave that part out unless she tells me definitely not. I just want her to give it more time. I'm really nervous. I don't feel comfortable takling to her very much anymore because she has changed so much. Any advice??
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
If you don't have a clear cut plan and you are going into this meeting with her with a lot of emotion (which it sounds like you are even though you say it's business) I would cancel.
My H threatened D several times. We never once met about it and I sure as heck didn't intiate any meetings.
If you can't talk to her about it without feeling comfortable then don't. It won't get you anywhere good.
Just my .02.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
You are approaching this from the rational, logical viewpoint. That is not where your W is. She is acting/reacting purely from emotions. It is doomed to failure from the start.
You are still early on in this and if I may opine you are attempting on some level to "fix" the situation or at the very least manage it. You can't. She is probally still in the anger stage and just about anything you do or say will be summarily shot down in flames.
It will take time before you can emotionally detatch from all this and I agree with the previous post, you seem to be somewhat emotional in your response, if only due to the financial ramifications of divorce.
Protect yourself, but don't bring up D or initiate any D talk.
Find some way to detatch.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Did you initiate meeting with her? If so - bad idea, in my opinion.
She's gonna do what she's gonna do and you will not talk her out of it, no matter how much sense it makes to you. If she does file, get a lawyer that understands that you don't want to be divorced and drag your feet. But let all that go through the lawyer. If the lawyer won't do that, get another one.
You can't change her mind. Only she can. Repeat, ad infinitum.
I'm a stander. Who's well along in the divorce process.
Answer the petition. By Valentine's Day. (Twisted ain't it)
Contest. Challenge. Stall. Will it p*ss her off. Absolutely!!! Tough.
My W accused me of "Repeated and extreme mental cruelty." Even admitted it wasn't true. Only put it in there because I wouldn't wave the two year waiting period. Also challenged that ourdifferences were not "irreconcible". Also, stated that I should be custodial parent, she should pay me support, and by the way, you forgot to list some of your assets. But ALL through the legal process. Use your lawyer as the bad guy.
Someone here told me: You do marriage, let the lawyers do divorce.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Patrick, let me ask you a question. What difference do you think it would make if you asked her that? IMO the only thing that would do is reinforce her justification for doing it. One thing you have to remember about this, they are going to do what they have in thier head to do. Trying to talk them out of it just makes them want to do it faster. If I were in your shoes, I would say nothing, do nothing, in fact, I wouldn't talk to her period! If she wants to talk to you, she will seek you out, if not, well its done and done. Either way, there is nothing you can do to stop what she wants to do.
