Yes, the weddings suck. I was also the matron of honor in the one that I have been to...which means I had to stay the entire time. It was bad, but this next one is going to be REALLY bad. I will see a ton of people I know, who will no doubt be asking about my H. That is 5 months from now though...so who knows, maybe H will be with me.
No, I haven't talked to him. I was really hoping he would call me this weekend, but he didn't. He is comfortable talking to me in that friend sort of way. I guess I will try to give him a call after work today.
I am really thinking about bringing up counseling again today. I had brought it up back in November and he was willing to go...but that was when he was wanting to work on things...now he is confused again so I am not sure if he will agree to it. Any suggestions on that or should I hold off?
I am just really feeling like I am at the end of my rope right now. Maybe it was the trip, maybe it was the wedding talk, or maybe I am just impatient. Hopefully it will pass, but right now I am really feeling like I may be close to done.
As our H's seem to have similar personalities, I will comment first on the C. If he feels friendly towards you but it not ready to solidly recommit, he will be ambiguous or even hostile to MC. Another possible reason he might not be willing to go is that he feels comfortable with how things are progressing and will not want to make "drastic" changes.
Us girls tend to think that talking fixes things, and men do not usually share that perception. That's one of the reasons I picked up "Why Talking is Not Enough."
If it is important to you, I say ask him. But just ask him. No justifications, no convincing talk when the look on his face is skeptical. Be prepared for him to get defensive or just say no. Something along the lines of "I would really like to go back to joint counseling" and then let him have his say and give him time to think it over.
A lot can change in the next 5 months. Give yourself some time to decompress from the trip and the wedding talk before you make any big decisions. Also, I say call him after work. He may want to do dinner, but at worst you can probably chat. It may recharge your DBing motivation to talk to him.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
The thing about my H is that he has always been a talker. He has always talked about his feelings. I am more the one to hold them in. H always used to have to work to get me to open up about things. I think that always bothered him about me. I actually think the counseling would be more for ME to be able to talk about things in a better way. The one we went to just seemed to really be able to help me put my feelings into words. Also, my H talked a lot during counseling. He even said he liked it at the time.
I don't think he would get hostile. I think he would just simply say ok or that he wasn't ready. If I had to bet, I would bet that he will say he doesn't have the energy to focus on that until he finds a job, which I could live with. I just have to remember what you said...no justifications and no convincing talk.
I will call him after work today. I will probably just see if he wants to go workout with me.
Well, sounds like it may be worth asking him about it in that case. Does he have particular times he might be more receptive? Just a thought, but waiting til the job thing is nailed down might be helpful.
Working out sounds like a great idea. That always makes me feel good, as does hanging out with my H when we can be friendly, so it sounds like a winning combination.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I guess I haven't really thought about when to ask him. Maybe when we go out to eat. I do think the job thing is a valid point...but I just keep thinking it could be a while for that to happen. Then it may just be some other excuse.
I am just feeling frustrated at the moment. You are probably right that seeing him or talking to him will get me motivated again.
Just a quick update. I called H on my way home from work. He sounded really sad. I talked to him for a minute and then he asked about Mardi Gras. I finally said "are you ok?" ...Well, that wsa all it took. He broke down. I mean he was bawling. I think mainly about finding a job. But he was also saying he didn't know anybody here, he just felt depressed. I told him that I didn't ever call him to go out with me because I wasn't sure what he wanted. I told him that I didn't want to smother him. He said he felt like if I called him it was just out of pitty. I thought that was crazy. I told him that it was never out of pity but because I wanted to see him and spend time with him. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted me to come over and he said yes. I am about to go over there so I will update when I get back.
I guess I won't bring up the counseling. He is under a lot of stress right now and I don't want to be another one.
Aww, poor guy. I'm glad he's talking to you about all this. It's good that he trusts you and is confiding in you. It also sounds like he really missed you this weekend.
I hope things go well.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, went over to H's apartment. He just seems really down about everything. He is really stressed about getting a job and just everything in general I think. He seemed glad that I came over. I am glad that he felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I told him that I was there for him if he needed anything, and I really meant it.
In a way I know how he feels. When we got married I quit my job and moved to be with him. I was out of a job for four months and we were BROKE. I felt horrible and just kind of worthless. This was all with having nothing but support from H. He is trying to do this alone. I told him that he was there for me and I would be there for him now. He said it was his "job" to be there for me and I didn't owe him anything now. I told him that I am still his friend and I would do anything for him.
I do think he missed me this weekend. I am going to make him dinner tomorrow night. He seemed excited about that. So we had a good time tonight, just kind of hung out as friends. It was nice and seemed comfortable. There was a little bit of flirtation on his end...kind of nice to be flirted with.
I think you are right Michelle, seeing him did motivate me to DB.
Well, H called about the job today. They told him that they had filled one position and he was still in consideration for the other. They told him to call back Monday. He has been out applying for other jobs today. Now I am all stressed about him finding a job.
He has called me about 5 times today at work. The last time he called and said he was at the grocery store and asked if he needed to pick up anything for dinner. I told him no, that I already had everything. It is nice to have him call me and email me during the day like he used to.
