Counselor was so nice. Very easy to talk to (duh!). I went 1 hour and 15 minutes before she gently pushed me out the door. She made me promise to physically visit an attorney to find out my rights. She wants me to think hard if I want H to move out right now, and if I do, have an atty help me. We talked about a lot else too. I held it together until she asked me about the kids and what I thought a divorce would do to them. We have another appt next week.
H was a major A$$ when I got home. Barking and moaning about stupid stuff. It reminded me of this summer before I knew about the A. Horrible afternoon with him. I avoided him, ignored him, and tried to enjoy my time with D3 until I left for work. I know he is sick *boo hoo* but geesh.......
Both therapy and cranky H left me exhausted.
I have a 9am appt with a new atty. I canNOT afford that atty I spoke with on the phone months ago. If H was fighting custody or something awful, then I wouldn't hesitate. But other than me not wanting a divorce, I think mine will go smoothly.
The C commended me on handling myself during this time, staying above water (not missing work, enjoying the kids). She talked about how I learned to ride the storm out, while H seems to just be standing, sinking, drowning... SO true. He is a mess and is blaming everyone but himself.
2 things H changed this week: (he didn't announce these, I just noticed)
1. He grocery shopped today instead of tomorrow (his former date with OW every week).
2. He asked if he could do lunch with D6 tomorrow (this is a day that OW cannot go).
Wanted to add: I am very frustrated with myself for letting H's rants/mood affect me so much. I was crushed that he treated me so rudely today, and I should be more detached than that. I am still thinking "What happened? Why is he so mad?" when I shouldn't be. Mad at LWB......
I'm so glad that the C session went well. They help so much to help us keep our feet on the ground.
I understand the frustration you're feeling for letting H's mood affect you. I'm the QUEEN of letting H affect me. It's soooo incredibly difficult not to let it affect you. You're only human. You think you start to see a small glint of respect or humanity from them and you relax. Then BAM!!, they hit you with the crap mood and you're left wondering what the hell just happened.
Hugs to you and your sweet little d's.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 02/05/0811:43 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
so glad the session went well, lwb. good luck with the new atty. Getting ducks in a row is a good thing, even if you never (hopefully) need them.
don't be mad at yourself for your reaction to your h's moods and such. the fact that you recognize it for what it is is HUGE, and is the first step to changing your own behavior.
your ic is right, you are an amazing woman who should be commended. we have all known that, but I'll bet its nice to have it confirmed by a professional.
very interesting, btw, about h changing up his schedule. but again, be careful about that one. deep down, his issues aren't about ow. its about something else. and your IC was right...he is drowning/stagnant right now. hopefully that will change, he will realize he needs to do some work on himself, etc.
Last edited by SallyM; 02/06/0812:33 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
SallyM, yeah, the switch up with the schedule/OW is way too late to 'mean' anything anyway. Plus it has nothing to actually do with our marriage, our issues. I see that now (didn't see it all summer, however, took me awhile).
Just thought I'd pop in on your thread. I don't have much time to review it, but my guess about your H is being such an a$$ because he's frustrated with his life and stupid mistakes he has made. I think he's probably in a selfish place and still has growing up to do. Unfortunately, it won't happen overnight.
Let it go. This immaturity is not worth your time.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
(((HUGS))) lwb. just remember, its a marathon, not a sprint. rome wasn't built in a day. no rush. take your time. remember to breathe. remember, no matter what, you will be okay.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
She made me promise to physically visit an attorney to find out my rights. She wants me to think hard if I want H to move out right now, and if I do, have an atty help me. We talked about a lot else too. I held it together until she asked me about the kids and what I thought a divorce would do to them. We have another appt next week.