If you want to give saving your M one last shot, I would recommend going to see Michele herself. She is in Boulder, Colorado and maintains a private practice. Even if you are not able to save your M, you will be able to leave it with a peace of mind that is priceless. Her rates are very reasonable. I called her office to check on them - they told me not to post the rates here but you can send an emailing to divorcebusting@aol.com and they will send you the information.
She can either see you in person when you return from Iraq or do a phone consult if that is possible.
The DB coaches are fine - but they are NOT Michele. She is head and shoulders above the coaches - the woman is sharp as a whip, has about 20 extra gears in her brain, and does not forget a single detail of what you share!
In my case, The X dropped the bomb over and over again for about 2 years. He is the one that finally filed for the D and I finished it.
I wanted to be able to proceed with the D with a clear conscience so that is why I went to work with Michele herself. I went alone - The X didn't go. Every situation is different. In my cases, the decision or whether to fight to save my M resolved itself in 4 months.
She is different from the book - in a good way. The book is written to sell - her sessions make you work.
My first session was a 90 minute session where she let me complain about The X for 45 minutes and the next 45 minutes were about solutions. She cut me short if I regressed into whining or X bashing - and asked me very directly how exactly how that was relevant to working or saving my M. You may not initially agree with what she asks you to do - but you need to just do it and then you see why after the fact.
The follow up sessions in my case were by phone and were typically 15-20 minutes in duration. She is very intense and focused. She does not waste time getting to the point.
Every session started with questions about how I was doing, whether I was getting out, how I was doing at work, and whether I was exercising. She does not ask you to become a doormat or sacrifice your own boundaries.
I also wanted to add that a couple of weeks before my scheduled face to face session with Michele, I had it with The X and was ready to file for a D myself. I called Michele's office - it was Christmas eve. She called me back herself! I was stunned. She calmed me down and gave me the strength I needed to make it to the scheduled session.
Another person from the BB went to see her and didn't have the strength to follow her instructions and filed for D. Michele is an MC. Good MC's do not take sides. That was tough for this person to stomach - she was looking for someone to validate that the spouse was wrong and she was right. Michele will do that to the extent necessary to give you the strength to do what you need to do.
You are not interested in W bashing. You clearly have the discipline and mindset do what needs to be done - even if it isn't easy. I think you would work well with Michele.
I also asked the person I spoke to if they were seeing the tupes of questions on your thread and they are. You are not alone. I think Michele will be able to give you answers about "why" W is doing some of the things she is doing.
Good luck and let me know if you have any questions for me.
