Here is the email. I have left in her spelling errors and lack of shift key function..
I will post my view second.
Short, ive wanted to write to you for a while and i figured for a while that it would be wrong i dont know if it is or not. i figured you heard a lot about me from other people and may have your own personal opinions, but i figured id give it shot and let you know my side told by me.
i first want apologize about saying horrible things way back that emotionally charged night i came to your house. i was in the midst of being a [censored] up wreck. there many things im sorry for and empathetic about. i am a person like anyone else in this world, with my shares of kindness and compassion, generosity and selfishness, self loathing and personal respect , anger and fear, confusion and clarity. between the time years ago when i first met (H) and you to the moment he first approached me romantically i never had any kind of romantic thought or fantasy about (H) although i belive people are allowed to have there fantasys. acting on them impulsively is another story.
as i know you know, the day (N) left me my life fell apart, my heart fell apart, and frankly i didnt know how i would survive, without family close bye and 3 year old twins, and very few friends. i was in shock, post traumatic stress, with no food, sleep and a bloody legal battle plus my best friend becoming estranged. i was flying family out to help me and pretty much overwhelmed with a feeling of being dead while having to be present for two chimpanzees. the last thing on my mind was dating, having sex, or getting involved with a person who was in a significant relationship. (H)had made a couple attempts to hook up with me and invited me over for lunch. i wasnt in a place to be scrutinizing, sensible or focused.
it was like my brain had been crushed and i was being asked to think. the only thing i could hold together in the midst of a bad situation for my children, was being a safe mom. i was crushed and needed someone ( mommy preferably ) to hold my broken parts and (H) came to me in the lowest moment of my life. i had always liked (H) and thought he was a charming and weird friend, i had always liked you. i was a perfect candidate, anyone could have scraped me off the side walk. the shocking thing that happened though is that we bonded on some level instantly ( not just physically ) and it was hard to deny. a lot of things where said on both our parts. i felt i was in love with (H), and shortly after the tryst began i pesterd him about telling you and even going to therapy to try and work it out. we preceded to see each other break up back and forth. it was [censored] torture for a number of reasons. one being i was and still in love with (N)..... now out of the in love......but i do love him dearly and i want the best for him, i know he's suffering. still our sitation is gut renching cause of having 2 young children who question, want there mommy and daddy together again, and i did let (N) know numerous times i would have tried again with him. its different now. as you know, my finances suck, but i wanted you to know i belive your and (H) finances are none of my buisness, i will say my belief that things should be split up at least fifty with some extra cushioning for the one whos been left .
i have always felt responsible for my own finances and still feel that way, im in a much more challenged situation and am starting a buisness with a friend to make sure i dont have to rely on anyone. i have worked my whole life ( except when i started trying to get pregnant ) never made alot, but it was mine.
my intention is not to live off (H) and thats not whats happening.
i wish (N) girlfriend had liked me i wanted my kids to see we could all be around eachother and regardless of our faults we could share the loving kind respectfullness of eachother. (N) needed to leave me....i know why, i dont know why. but he did it. i love him im angry and hurt.
(H) is very dear to me, i bonded with him very deeply and i want to care for him, he's my friend and i love him. thats how i feel about my friends, all of them. (H) is special to my heart. i still [censored] up. i work on getting better and except the stumblings of my peers.
i hear things through the grapevine (other grapevines besides (H) ) about what you think of me if your angry at me or hate me im sorry,
i dont know if you wanted any of the information i shared with you... and if i invaded your space and pissed you off, im sorry for that i cant imagine what this personally has felt like for you but i do know it sucks
