A while ago I walked into my C office and said I am tired of being a victim, I no longer wish to talk about what my H did to me. I want to talk about what I am doing.
Simple, but huge. So here's the trick. Every time you think or say he made me to yourself, change that to I am.
So H made me feel bad when he lied, becomes I feel bad when my H lies. In the first part, if you believe your H made you feel bad the only solution is to change him..get him to stop lying. We can not change others..can't be done. So you are stuck feeling bad..unless he changes.
However, If you say I feel bad when H lies. You can change you. H can lie forever, but you can say..I will stop listening. I don't don't want to hear lies. You can put your fingers in your ears and sing LA LA LA..done. Up to me. Stop listening. H is not changing you are. You do know when someone is honest. Listen to the truth, ignore the lies.
This is a small example. But if you begin replacing every he made me with I, your thinking and actions with follow. Its called taking care of and responsibility for me.
