Helloooo...Smoother Ride....Where Are You???

[LL44]

Is today your birthday proper??? If so, we love you and Happy Birthday girl!!!

Hope the concert was a great time!!!

[SueS]

Hello! Well, a bit of an interesting night. It had it's definate ups and downs!!

The evening started out as just friends, just a concert. We were having a great time and H was joking with me about a few things. The sidewalks were slippery, so H was a gentleman and held my hand. We each had a couple of beers. At one point, H was standing in front of me at the concert and pulled me in front of him so I could see better. At that point, he also put his arms around me. It felt nice, but I tried to see it again, as just a concert. Eventually, H went up to go to the bathroom. He was gone for a while and I had to go too. I went up the stairs and there he was, talking to a very pretty girl. I walked past him & went to the bathroom. I was mad. I felt it was a big amount of disrespect. When I came back, I stopped next to him & asked him if he was coming back to our seats. He said yes, but didn't move. I went down about 5 steps and headed back up to him. I said....are you coming now? The woman he was talking to said,....it's okay, I'm married. I shot back and said, good for you, so is he. H went to our seats. The woman said, please wait, let me talk to you. She said trust me, I wouldn't have done anything. It was the oddest thing. She stood there talking to me for about 15 minutes. Her name is Sue also. Her H also has the same name as mine. She said that my H had told her that his wife's name was Sue and about our D3. She and her H were split for 4 years and just reconciled. She said that my H had asked her if she wanted to have coffee sometime. She told him that she was married and that he should try working on his own marriage instead of trying to pick up other women. She actually gave ME her number and told me to call her anytime. She said, I've lived through your hell and I'd love to talk to you if you need someone. WOW!!!

Well, I got back to our seats and H didn't say a word or get close to me. He was NOT happy with me. After the show, we stopped at a bar. H mumbled something about me ruining something and a future endevour. I think he was talking about the other Sue we met. He asked me why I got so worked up. I told him that I was tired of being disrespected and for him to do it right in my face really, truly pissed me off. He started talking about some R things. Of course he still wants out. A little bit of him started to get mean, but then he quickly changed. He seemed to admit that he'd been with other women, but wouldn't come right out and say it. He told me that he still loves me but isn't in love with me. He told me that he's the luckiest man in the world to have been able to have such a beautiful child with me. I asked him if he'd ever truly be happy or he'll ever be happy with anyone. He told me no, I don't think so. I asked if he'd get some help, talk to someone. He doesn't want to and told me that there's a lot more going through his mind than anyone will ever understand. I again asked him to just consider seeing someone and told him that no one has to know but him. I'm not sure how it came up, but again he mentioned that OW has nothing to do with our problems. He seems to think that our problems started 7 years ago and that we never should have moved to CA together. He feels that OW is his soul mate and the love of his life. I asked him how he can feel that way but still pursue other women and be with me intimately. He couldn't answer me. He told me again that he does love me for all that we had. Oh, and he's not happy with me for his brother & SIL knowing what's going on. I told him that I didn't have to say anything. My SIL figured it out right away & my BIL heard H yelling on the phone to me so I didn't have to say anything. So, as we were leaving, H again grabbed my hand to help me down the street. As we were getting to the car, H stopped me. He put his arms around me, hugged me and kissed me. He hasn't done that in months. He seems so lost and I'm so sad because I know that there's nothing I can do to help him. He has to get help for himself.

I know that this post was mostly about H and it may seem to ramble a bit. It was just an odd night. I'm so tired right now that I could just go home and go to sleep.

lwb....my birthday is actually this Thurs. (7th).

SueS

[fightingirish]

Sues,

Your h is just unbelievable. I just don't know what to say at this point. to be with you at concert and being affectionate, then to go off to the bathroom to pick someone else up.. what a creep.. im sorry sue.. that's lower than low. I don't see things changing with him anytime soon, especially since he is not even willing to get help for it.. His actions point to an obsessive cheater, and that doesn't go away by itself.

He has not respect for you or your D3.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is truly a destructive relationship, and he is not going to get better unless he's willing to admit to his issues and get help for them.

Yes, he might have hugged and kissed you, but what does that mean? that he has no problem to have his cake and eat it too. Best of both worlds.

I don't know what else to say, this is unhealthy for you and I don't want to see you hurt anymore.

tal

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue, Don't feel bad for journaling about H - you certainly deserve to vent. Just don't let it be ALL about him, okey dokey?

I'm sorry, but I just had to burst out laughing at this exchange:

I asked if he'd get some help, talk to someone. He doesn't want to and told me that there's a lot more going through his mind than anyone will ever understand.

Oh, sure, I get it now - H is such an amazingly complex and mysterious creature... No therapist could POSSIBLY help unravel the wondrously complicated labyrinth of his thoughts... GIMME A BREAK!!!

Many, many hugs to you and D3, darlin'.

[Michael Mc C]

I'm sorry, but I just had to burst out laughing at this exchange:

I asked if he'd get some help, talk to someone. He doesn't want to and told me that there's a lot more going through his mind than anyone will ever understand.

Oh, sure, I get it now - H is such an amazingly complex and mysterious creature... No therapist could POSSIBLY help unravel the wondrously complicated labyrinth of his thoughts... GIMME A BREAK!!!

And I couldn't help laughing at THAT Rob!! My W seems to feel the same way - a therapist is good for some things but nothing nearly as complicated as what SHE has been going through!

[karen43]

Sue, I still think a lot of your H's problems would be solved if he would give up alcohol and seek treatment for that. I think it makes most things like relationships almost impossible. Yeah, and there are TONS of therapists and counselors and programs that can help people with alcohol problems so I think he's way wrong about that!!!Karen43

[chocolateeyes]

Sue,

He needs help. I know you already know that, but I thought I'd just chime in and throw in an e-hug for you.

(((((from Choc.)))))

[Yoyowife]

Sue,
I'm sending a big hug your way. I'm so sorry for the pain he keeps inflicting on you.

Sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying, but it is a little humorous that the woman he was trying to pick up found him to be a jerk and wanted to be your friend!

Too bad not everyone can see what jerks they are. Let's go back to the old days and put an enormous red A on their foreheads. I too think society tends to overlook things now, what happened to the past when adultery was such a shame? What happened to family values?

Well, it's nice to know that there are still people who believe in family, look at all of the wonderful people on here.

[chocolateeyes]

Too bad not everyone can see what jerks they are. Let's go back to the old days and put an enormous red A on their foreheads. I too think society tends to overlook things now, what happened to the past when adultery was such a shame? What happened to family values?

It's rare you even see the words "adultery," "adulterer" or "infidel" anymore, or even "affair." Now it's all politically-correct:

"adultery" and "affair" have become "extramarital relationship"
"adulterer" has become "wayward spouse"
"infidel" has become "alien"

[Yoyowife]

Too bad not everyone can see what jerks they are. Let's go back to the old days and put an enormous red A on their foreheads. I too think society tends to overlook things now, what happened to the past when adultery was such a shame? What happened to family values?

It's rare you even see the words "adultery," "adulterer" or "infidel" anymore, or even "affair." Now it's all politically-correct:

"adultery" and "affair" have become "extramarital relationship"
"adulterer" has become "wayward spouse"
"infidel" has become "alien"

Since this seems to be a generation of entitlement,glitz, and glamour, let's put a gold ER on their foreheads.