First thanks for being a friend to me on the board with your great insights. I look forward to hearng from you.
As for your weekend, it was good, but not as complete as you'd have liked. It does sound like you made the most of the time you had with them and you were also able to GAL on your own. GReat game to watch, eh?
What are your schedules for seeing them this week? Do you have events planned? If not, wing it and have fun. If so, have a blast, blast, blast with your littles.
Take care and I know you hate this as we all do. But I don't think any of us are ready to pitch it in just yet, so we all got to keep going up that mountain.
RTL, thanks for the support, man. Thanks for being a friend to me, too.
No schedule this week. I have to go crawling to her to ask for time with my kids. In the meantime I am caring for the child of the couple I am staying with, a 9 month old, bathing him, feeding him, playing with him, and remembering. He's a cutie!
I sent a mail to W asking for a discussion on when I will see the kids this week. Also spoke to attorney yesterday; I'm filing a motion in court to see my kids more. What fun.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Sorry you had to talk to a lawyer, but unfortunately your W isn't helping with you seeing your children. I know that isn't fun under any circumstance, but you are entitled to see your family no matter what the marital situation is like.
Hang on, buddy. You'll get through it. Being able to be with the 9 month old is a blessing for you. It will help you to remember what it is like to love and care selflessly for another person. I know you hadn't forgotten how to do this, but being with the baby will just reinforce what you've always know.
Hey I have to hit up the lawyer tomorrow as well as my wife served me with my papers today.
Oh, well. I'm still not giving up, but I have to go through this crap now.
Also, I'm on a new thread because the old one filled up, so I'm now at "for RefuseToLose" under the Newcomers section.
My W wants me to move out and I've told her I don't need the space. It is her game, her call, and she's made this bed of hers. I'm not doing it to be an A-hole, but my T today said "don't leave the house" and I'm pretty sure a lawyer will say the same thing.
W proposed that we sell her car (a convertible I got for her) and she keeps 70% of the proceeds. ??? Not sure where that came from. Also, we have some credit card debt, and I sold some stock to cover it. She proposed that she "keeps" 70% of that check, too. She's not really addressing the shared debt we have. I don't get it. It's like she's pretending she doesn't see it.
When I bring it up - in email only, and only in a business sense, all calm and rational - I say, look, I think this is a way to save us some money on finance charges and late fees. We just pay off the credit card with the proceeds from the sale of stock. Then we save hundreds of dollars per month in fees and interest. I never get a response to this. I never hear back from her why this is a bad idea. I tell her this is her money and mine, this is really the children's money. Why not save some? She comes back and proposes for me to let her "keep" 70% of the check.
It's just goofy.
In the context of the run-around on the money issues, she's shown she is impatient and just generally grumpy. I wrote to her,
Quote:
I get that this is a hard time for us both. I know that, and I'm sorry it's so hard. I know it's an unpleasant and messy process. But I also know this is what you want, and I know that once we get through it you will be much happier. So while we work through it, I'm going to do my best to be cordial and constructive.
Finally I suggested we try a mediator so that we can stop going round in circles on the money and residential time issues. No response on that. I don't expect her to accept, given her disingenous proposal to keep 70% of the liquid assets we have. In parallel to this suggestion, I am filing a motion in family court to ask for relief in allowing me to see my kids more often. I haven't told her that. She'll find out through her attorney I guess...
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I talked to a friend who went through some tough stuff a while back. he said he developed this thing to help him get back to sleep at night. He fantasizes. About good stuff, fun stuff. He imagines being on a beach, or driving a sports car, or just doing stuff that makes him feel good.
I've been doing that lately when I go to sleep at night. Usually I fantasize about a house. About getting my own house again. I visualize myself approaching the house.It's evening. it's dusky. the lights are on in the house. My kids are there, home from school. they're in the kitchen, hanging out, chatting, having a snack. I come in from work, I smile, greet them all. In my dream, my 12-yr old is a strapping boy of 16. He's shaving and taller than me.
It's warm in the house. The kitchen is spacious and open and friendly and welcoming. The other kids are watching TV, relaxing.
It's a nice dream. One day I'll have a home again!
When I slept I dreamt of my wife. Not in a desperate, I-am-dying-without-her sort of way. But in a fond-memories kinda way. I dreamt we were in bed together again. Back when we were together, when we'd lie in bed together she'd rub her feet on my feet. She'd reach for me and we'd cuddle and snuggle, and we'd whisper and murmur and giggle to each other about any old thing. And sometimes we'd make love. That was sweet times. That's what I dreamt about.
I woke up smiling. I'm not feeling desperate, just remembering the good stuff. Enjoying the memories.
I'm sort of in a waiting period here with my wife. I feel like I'm not making more of those nice memories right now. Soon enough though I will be. I'll be making new memories, either with her or without her. I look forward to the day.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
W filed for divorce back in November, but we haven't taken one concrete step in splitting. We don't have temporary orders for custody or for income sharing. We don't have a plan for splitting assets. She keeps asking for things that are ridiculous, like 70% of our liquid assets.
If she wanted a divorce so badly, with all it entails, I feel like she'd be pushing forward on it with concrete steps. I'm not saying she doesn't want a divorce. I think right now she does. But she doesn't want all it entails. The moving part. The get-a-job part. The drop-in-lifestyle part. The my-husband-is-no-longer-around-to-blame-for-everything part.
She is preparing our house for sale. That's a big step. But preparing it for sale and selling it and moving are 2 different things. She doesn't have a job.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I'm just gonna be brutually honest here. When are you going to man up and move back in? You are losing time with your kids and if this divorce does go thru you've already established that she is the major care giver. It is 50% your house and those kids are 50% yours too. You've tried it her way and that isnt helping you at all. Move back in immediately. Your wife will tell you that she needs space and all that stinkin garbage. Tell her you will help in any way you can, you have given her space and your relationship with your children is suffering. If she is adament about needing space then you are more than willing to help her pack.
Hang in there my man. Remember, time is your friend here. No movement is difficult, but keep being patient.
Just a thought...If you handle the money and she won't respond to your e-mails have you considered sending her one "final" e-mail about credit debt and letting her know of your plan to pay off and close the cards. If she responds, then you'll get her feedback. If not, then do it and eliminate the debt. You'll be covered because you gave notice, waited an appropriate time, then acted. You can even attach a receipt so you know she's opened it.
Again, I don't know your dynamics, and I may be pissing in the wind here...
Hey, keep being the man. I LOVE your idea of dreaming pleasant dreams about the good times and not being desperate. I also LOVE how it allowed you to wake up refreshed and feeling good about yourself.
